We Badgers know we suck — it’s painfully obvious. Every Saturday, we show up decked out in red attire, covered in stickers, ready to continue cheering until it’s undeniable we’re losing.
We may have a losing streak stretching for years, but no one knows delusion better than the college student. Who knows? This game just might be the one, and the bright side is always the best place to be. So here is a brief compilation of the few silver linings of losing season after season:
- Merch discounts: We all know the popularity of “vintage” clothing is on the rise, and due to the simultaneous rise in terrible University of Wisconsin football players, you’re in luck. That “2012 Big Ten Champions” shirt you’ve been eyeing is now $5.99 in the clearance section — score!
- Instant humility: A humble character is a rare find in this day and age, and no one likes people who brag. Fortunately, you can’t!
- Shorter bathroom lines: Half the stadium has left before halftime.
- Better WiFi at the stadium: Despite the thick concrete establishment that is Camp Randall, the system is no longer overwhelmed with 80,000 crowd members scrolling Instagram reels. Now it’s only 30,000!
- Improved tailgating experience: You can stay as long as you want at that beat-down college house pre-game with all your friends. You’re not missing anything.
- Leaving early guilt-free: Leaving after Jump Around no longer associates you with the freshmen with no school spirit. You now have “so much school spirit” you can’t bear to see the Badgers lose. (And they will.)
- Low-effort outfits: You no longer need to look good for Instagram. The days of losing brain cells over finding the perfect, unique red-and-white number are over because no one can stomach to post after the loss we’ve just experienced.
- Bonus! Lack of the words “we’re so back” on Instagram: This one speaks for itself. We are anything but “so back.”
And finally, hope. Because every new game, every new season, is another chance to believe in the impossible — a single UW touchdown.
