Biden Administration advisor Dr. Anthony Fauci confirmed Thursday morning that fraternity members have no need to worry about contracting a mutated COVID-19 strain.
“There is significant evidence to conclude that those who have succeeded in going through the intensive frat pledge process are extremely well-protected,” Fauci said at a White House press conference.
Breaking: Having empty coffee cup in front of you now stops the spread of COVID-19
Despite Fauci’s credentials, his conclusions received heavy backlash from the general public who demanded the confidential research be published immediately. Many accused Fauci of developing fake news to “get in with the frat bros,” something he never got to experience while attending the College of the Holy Cross back in the 60’s.
Fraternity members, however, were quick to defend him.
“I mean, this dude is like America’s Big when it comes to the virus,” Kappa Epsilon Gamma member Chad Logan said. “I see him on TV all the time and he’s taught us absolutely everything we know about COVID-19 … why wouldn’t we trust him now?”
The science behind why fraternity members are safe from the variant strain is unclear. Though researchers across the country are stumped by Fauci’s findings, many students have offered their own explanations as to why fraternity members aren’t affected by the strain.
“I don’t know a lot about biology,” finance major and Tri Phi member Ryan Davis said. “But maybe science just wants us to party while we’re in the prime years. It’s like a gift to us for being social.”
Fauci also emphasized at the White House press conference that the “frat immunity” does not apply to rejected rushees. Fraternity expert Dr. Cam Witt predicts there will be a spike in students rushing in coming semesters to receive the immunity benefit.
Fauci continues to face slander online from the general public, with the chain #FireFauci, revived by @notrealDonaldTrump, once again trending on Twitter.
“What can I say?” Logan said. “Fauci is for the boys. This strain, apparently, is not.”
