Unbeknownst to the thousands of students walking through Memorial Union everyday, right below their feet is a porcelain shrine worthy of the holiest of bottoms.

Mahatma Gandhi, the Dalai Lama and President Barack Obama could simultaneously take a bathroom break in this magical room and it would seem properly appropriate.

Adjacent to Wheelhouse Studios on the lower level of Memorial Union, this breathtaking facility is highly convenient for dookie-droppers of both genders — dare I mention it’s unisex. With exquisite turquoise mosaic tiling displayed on all four walls, it is almost impossible to believe that the architectural masterpiece could be devoted to something as vile as the act of pooping.

Using the Wheelhouse water closet is closely reminiscent to dropping a log in one of the many beautiful wonders of the Byzantine empire — bar the constant fear of pesky Crusaders or the Plague of Justinian.

Well-heated and well-lit, the personal and quiet pooping Eden sports a handy reading stand next to the toilet. Use it to hold reading materials! Your homework! Rest your weary head for a nap! Never leave!

This place is so luxurious, in fact, that I was slightly disappointed to not be offered a complimentary breath mint by a butler in a snappy tux having left the bathroom.

Seriously lacking in anything negative, my only complaint is the luxury has since corrupted my bathroom standards. No other porcelain shines as bright after Wheelhouse’s wonder, no bathroom break has been as serene since and I find it hard to concentrate on simple tasks, forever haunted by the face of true beauty.

 Specifics 

Temperature: Warm

Traffic: Just you and your torturous thoughts

Stalls: Stalls? Nah, baby, this is luxury

Toilet Paper: One-ply

Sinks: One automatic

Dryers: None, this sucker boasts a paper towel holder

Cell phone service: Full and extensive, but like being in a dream, inside this room the outside world doesn’t exist

Toilet flush mechanism: Automatic

Graffiti: None

Overall: 4.95/5