Banter

Satire: How to pretend you are not afraid of horror movies this Friday the 13th

Three ways to look like a total stud when watching a horror movie

Banter

Satire: 138 overage drinkers arrested for being total losers

Upperclassmen losers urged to stay away from freshman bars

Banter

Satire: Rare disease claims seven lives after Memorial Union dock collapse

Swimming forbidden until origin of disease discovered, researchers warn

Banter

How to make sweet sweet love to your pillow

The answer to your horniness has been under your head the whole time

Banter

Philosophy department elects local stoner as chair

Gerhan well known to UW philosophy community for his 'truly dank kush'

Banter

Phoenix’s shrimp diary: I am a shrimp-eating champion

Whenever there are shrimp, there is me

Banter

Senatorial candidate Pandela Parnes saves baby from burning house

Neighbors accuse him of being 'baby thief'

Herald

Record levels of incest after “House of Dragon” episode seven airs

Incesters claim they're inspired by Daemon, Rhaenyra's chemistry

Herald

Student newspaper Daily Cardinal so fake it doesn’t show up on BeReal

Daily Cardinal reader receives notification that Daily Cardinal does not meet terms and conditions of not being a “Fake-ass b*tch”.

Banter

Computer science department to offer extra credit for showering

Course change comes after one employer came down with bubonic plague after attending career fair

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