As the kids like to say, it’s cuffing season!
According to real and reputable science, as the temperature drops, students across campus will go to great and terrible lengths to couple up.
Perhaps you’re looking for a shoulder to cry on when the Badgers finish the football season with a 3-9 record, or a study buddy (with benefits) to help you get through finals season. Maybe you just need to appease your nagging relatives at Thanksgiving. “Yes grandma, I am seeing someone special!”
Sometimes, Madison might seem like a hopeless pit of despair where relationships go to die — but believe it or not, our city is overflowing with potential paramours. You just need to know where to look … and where to definitely not look.
Where to meet
The library
Spark up a steamy and scholarly romance by stealing a few glances over your laptop at that studious bachelor or bachelorette sharing your table at College Library. Then, take the relationship to the next level by bonding over how you’re both so screwed for your exam tomorrow, and bam! — the two of you will be sharing a Memorial Library cage in no time, which, in my book, is much more romantic than sharing a bed.
In class
Let’s get one thing out of the way: your hot TA doesn’t want to see you after class because they want to profess their love — they’re just concerned about your abysmal grades. Focus your affections instead on that cute classmate who always has something thoughtful to say during discussions. Not only is class a great spot to scope out potential suitors, but having a crush on a classmate can make a boring period much more enjoyable. A crusty Van Vleck classroom never seemed so romantic.
Where NOT to meet
A bar
Attention, Badgers: The love of your life is NOT at Whiskey Jack’s on a Tuesday night!
These days, sitting on a barstool and wistfully gazing off into the distance won’t get you a date, or even a free drink. But don’t worry, because whoever you might manage to pick up at a Madison college bar probably isn’t exactly the cream of the crop anyways.
Dorms
This might be a controversial take, because surely plenty of successful relationships have begun in University of Wisconsin dorms. But before you start up a fling with your across-the-hall crush, consider the fallout should things end badly. Imagine being unable to walk to the bathroom to brush your teeth without running into your ex — or worse yet, imagine being stuck in an impossibly slow elevator with them. (It’s bound to happen at least once.) The sheer awkwardness of the relationship’s aftermath will have you wishing you’d opted for off-campus housing.
Dating apps
There are lots of truly deplorable people that call our city home, and somehow, all of them have profiles on dating apps.
Think about it — 20 years from now, when your children (should you choose to have them) ask where you and your partner met, do you really want to say, “It was so adorable … they slid into my Tinder DMs”?
That’s what I thought.
Green and red flags
Before committing to a campus crush, save yourself some time and lots of disappointment by first conducting some preliminary research. Here are some green and red flags to look out for in your fresh prospect.
Green flags:
Lived or lives in Lakeshore: They have resilience, they have grit and they’re outsiders — all qualities that make for excellent lovers.
Humanities major: There’s nothing like a well-read history nerd to get the heart racing a bit, and anyone who’s had to navigate the terrifying maze that is Mosse Humanities automatically deserves all the love in the world.
Madison native: They’re just so “Midwest nice,” plain and simple. Plus, Madisonians really know their way around the isthmus, and are sure to take you on dates to some incredible hidden gems.
Red flags:
Skips class: Apathy for school is really unsexy.
Never does assigned readings: See above.
Ubers everywhere: Madison has enough traffic without half the student body getting a rideshare every time they have a class west of Bascom.
Won’t stop talking about study abroad: You shouldn’t have to pretend to be interested in hearing about your partner’s “life-changing” semester in “Bar-th-elona” every other day.
Dodgers fan: This one is personal. No, I don’t want to talk about it.
First date spots
Impress your date with an outside-of-the-box first date in Madison at one or two of these lesser-known, off-campus spots.
There’s nothing like stimulating conversation over pho and coconut sticky rice at Ha Long Bay on Williamson Street. Afterwards, finish off the night with some healthy competition at the nearby I/O Arcade Bar.
Make it a breakfast date: Share some scones at Lazy Jane’s Cafe and Bakery or split an outrageously large pancake from Willalby’s Cafe, also both located on Willy Street.
Head to East Johnson Street for bottomless chai and succulent momos (Tibetan dumplings) from Little Tibet, then, if sparks are flying, prolong the date at The Robin Room next door for cocktails.
Warm up to your date with a warm mug of coffee: Johnson Public House and Indie Coffee are quaint and cozy spots to chat and caffeinate. If you have a car, take your cups to go and drive south to the Arboretum for a late-autumn stroll.
For a unique outing, attend one of Leopold’s Books Bar Caffè’s Django Jazz Jams, held every Tuesday evening. If your date turns out to be a loser, at least the music will have saved the night from being a total waste.
