Following continual encouragement from long-time fans of Donald Trump, the Catholic ecumenical council has made the controversial decision to remove Matthew 22:39 from the Bible — the line that infamously states “love thy neighbor.” As widely displayed across the media, the MAGA community has voiced their immense support of this radical change, stating relief that the Bible now “finally aligns with [their] core values.”
Seeking a greater community perspective regarding this stark adjustment, we interviewed local resident Tiffineigh — a middle-aged home owner living on a quiet street amidst the outskirts of Madison. Tiffineigh noted she was “excited to see the change finally happen,” considering she was “growing sick of meaningless interactions with neighbors on front porches.” Her husband John’s statement is as follows: “No love neighbor good. Less stress, more happy.”
One block over lives Rebecca — a proud Trump-Vance voter, flaunted through various hand-made signs decorating her yard. Rebecca shared with our team that this change has been “long anticipated” within the local MAGA community and took to explaining the sense of relief she felt when the news was announced.
“I follow the Bible, practically got the whole thing memorized, but something about that verse always rubbed Mama the wrong way. That ‘kindness’ [redacted] is for you [redacted] liberals,” Rebecca said. She continued, “I’d bet my dear Catholic Meemmaw is turning in her grave — I can now honestly say I do all the Lord tells me to.” When prompted to comment on her visible tattoo, Rebecca chose not to answer.
After what is widely considered an immense success for the avid supporters of Trump, we naturally wonder — what is next for these activists? Self-declared “number one Trump fan” Mark expressed his desires for a more conservative U.S. “I’ve already started rallying up some people ‘round here, we gotta good thing going right now — don’t wanna lose it,” Mark said. “We believe if your name ain’t Mark, Sarah or Dave, you should be detained,” Mark continued, expressing his plans for the widely controversial ICE raids happening around the U.S. Mark became distracted mid-interview by an AI dog saving a drowning baby and refused further questioning.
Democrats across the country are growing increasingly upset over this development, even recently advocating for its annulment. We interviewed Cole, a registered Democrat, curious about his opinion regarding the matter. “I’m living in fear. My parents have stopped talking to me because I gave a homeless man a five dollar bill in November. Kindness is out,” he said. Devoid of his previous weekly allowance from said parents, Cole is now homeless himself. His GoFundMe is linked in our bio.
Old-edition Bibles still containing Matthew 22:39 are now government property. If you or a loved one is in possession of one, we at The Badger Herald urge you to return it immediately. RFK Jr. has officially stated these Bibles now pose risk of a public health crisis.
