Never — and I mean never — did I think I would be writing a column that had anything remotely to do with the evil entity that is the Facebook.

Like many others, I love to hate it and I hate to love it. I told myself I would never join but finally caved in this semester after holding out for so long.

Nevertheless, here goes nothing.

Wisconsin's student section has often been admired for being one of the smartest in the country — I'm obviously talking hockey here, as "Eat sh-t, F-ck you" doesn't constitute brilliance.

I'm talking "(goalie's name) is a great big sieve" to the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb-style creativeness. I'm thinking along the lines of "Goalie! Sieve! Lasagna on a stick!"-type brilliance — with the box of pasta in place of the usual beanie baby mascot strung to a miniature hockey stick when Team Italy came to town my freshman year.

Yes, those cheers were truly exceptional. But now, thanks to the Facebook, the Crease Creatures have taken things to a whole new level.

Yes, they already had some groups — The Nick Licari Fan Club, Elliott's Emissaries, Tom Gilbert … Father My Child, etc. — but we're talking a revelation.

The aforementioned chants can rattle a goalie for 60 minutes per night when opposing teams come to the Kohl Center, but this state-of-the-art technique is capable of getting to the other team's netminder long before the teams even leave their home cities.

This new club is called "I Poke the Opposing Teams' Goalie(s) the Week Before the Game."

It's pretty self-explanatory — every week leading up to the next Wisconsin hockey series, members of this group use the Facebook's "Poke" tool to poke the goalies of whichever team the Badgers are playing next.

Some people may poke the goalie or goalies once the entire week, but others have taken to poking the player as many times a day as the website will let them before it cuts them off. And you — and the creators of Facebook — thought the poking tool was useless!

To snag a line from the little Guinness guys: "A Facebook group that pokes the other team's goalie hundreds of times leading into his game with the Badgers? Brilliant!"

Meredith Petrie, creator of the group, said she had heard of some Badger fans poking goalies early on in the season, and decided to bring the entire student section together to poke opposing goalies.

The group exploded heading into the Badgers' series with Minnesota State two weekends ago to more than 150 members. As of press time, the group had 208 members.

Minnesota State freshman goalie Dan Tormey was the first one to feel the onslaught of poking. It may have had its effects, as the young netminder — who had gone unbeaten in his previous four starts — was dealt two losses at the Kohl Center.

"I think it always gets in their head that we're so involved in our team," Petrie said. "We back up our team so well."

Ironically, amidst all the poking, Petrie earned an MSU friend along the way — Tormey himself.

"He said that he was probably poked more than 2,000 times," Petrie said.

Two thousand pokes!? In one week?! I think I've been poked like four times … ever.

Of course, the poking hilarity wasn't kept to the computer.

The student section erupted a few times throughout the weekend with the cheer of "We poked Tormey."

The group has already run into a roadblock or two. Michigan State goalie Dominic Vicari was not on the Facebook. Some proposed ideas included snail-mailing a poke or e-mailing a blank email with just the word "poke."

No word on how those worked out, although Vicari did not start against Wisconsin.

It is hard to say just how much the poking could affect a goalie when he takes to the ice — perhaps I'll ask at the next opportunity — but it obviously hasn't hurt anything, as the Badgers are on the hottest streak in the country.

If nothing else, it gives the Facebook a purpose, and the group is just the next, and most creative, idea from the UW student section in the long line of Crease Creature hilarity.

Furthermore … it's just one more reason why Wisconsin hockey boasts the best fans in the country.

If you feel like poking Schmoldt, look him up on the Facebook, but if you feel like commenting on his column, e-mail him at [email protected].