According to Eric:
With its mascots being the Ephs, you might think that Division III Williams College was a school for dropouts, but that is not the case. The school was named No. 1 academically last year.
In fact, the mascot is pronounced "Eefs." Unfortunately, that takes out my argument that they could have the greatest, or at least most witty, chant at sporting events. I can almost here the echoing of "Eph that, Eph that" right now.
However, nobody does it better than the Ephs, as was seen when they won the Director's Cup — awarded to the best school athletically — and were named the nation's top liberal arts college by U.S. News and World Report.
The squash team is quite intriguing, as the Ephmen have produced 18 All-American players, including four-time All-Americans Win Tangjaitrong, Zafir Levy and Bruce Hopper.
Oh yeah, and Williams is the alma mater of New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner, one of the most powerful men in any sport in history. How many schools can say that? Furthermore … how awesome would it be to see George Costanza call Steinbrenner an Eph to his face? Or perhaps, "Eph you, Steinbrenner!"
The mascot is named after the founder of the school, Ephraim Williams, who was killed in the Battle of Lake George in the French and Indian War and appears in early versions of "Yankee Doodle Dandy." John Greenleaf Whittier can't claim that!
But the real reason the Ephs are the best is because of what an Eph apparently is — a purple cow.
The origin has many tales, but the school's website claims the purple cow was chosen in 1907 and named after a popular campus humor magazine, "The Purple Cow."
But to combat the poetry of my counterpart, as much as I love the purple cow as the mascot, I must agree with Gelett Burgess' words: "I never saw a purple cow / Nor do I hope to see one; / But I can tell you, anyhow, / I'd rather see than be one."
Moooooooove over, poets!
According to Tom:
This question, 'tis quite easy to ponder, for of the name Poets I am much fonder.
Whittier College in California, the Poets they are called, and for many years they have footballed. Check them out on most Saturdays, and you're sure to find someone making plays. Unfortunately, to the University of Redlands last week they did fall; though getting the ball to senior Alex Jones was a good call. One hundred twenty-two yards on nine catches he did haul in, making defenders look like Snoop Dogg on juice and gin.
Named after John Greenleaf Whittier the writer, their mascot is much tighter. And tighter in the sense meaning cooler; their symbol carries a pen and a pad, not a ruler.
The mascot rocks the purple and yellow, and in water polo, freshman Alex Student makes opponents bellow. Three goals against Cal Tech he did tally, leading a great Poet rally. Whittier men's water polo, with 14 All-Americans in its past, has a proud tradition; Student is simply the Poets' latest rendition.
And how can any writer not give this mascot its support? What, Mr. Schmoldt? Let me hear your retort.
It's creative, it's witty (oh, it goes with the name) and, most of all, it's cool. Nothing standard, something different, not a tool. They are clever, refusing to use a silly Wildcat. Instead, this dude rocks a tri-cornered hat. And just imagine what a Poet can do with a bat; a 22-17-1 record on the diamond in 2004, just that.
Go ahead, take your purple cow; my purple Poet will instead take a bow.
So you see, Mr. Schmoldt, maybe you should bolt. For this contention of mine makes others pine, and you're completely out of line. This point is simply divine.