The Madison Police Department came out with everything short of drone strikes to get students off of Mifflin Street this year. On top of that, they spent last Saturday patrolling downtown threatening to ticket anyone daring to drink outside in the 70-degree sun. For that, we feel they deserve the Get Off the Damn Lawn award.

Choosing to approach a campus weekend with the subtlety and tact of 70-year-old yelling from his porch, MPD busted up any party not crowded indoors. Come on guys — we know you are usually a reasonable and respectful bunch when it comes to student house parties. Do not change just because you wanted to beat out Mayor Paul Soglin for this award.

They really went the whole nine yards in pursuit of this award. For that, we have to give them credit. Sending threatening letters to those “kids with their rap music,” choosing ultimatums rather than discourse with house owners and, our favorite, enforcing noise violation restrictions that would have more of a place in our grandparents’ retirement communities than on a college campus.

Of course, we can’t talk about their mishandling of the event without talking about how MPD threw Revelry under the bus by saying the world would be a better place as soon as it replaced all those “illegal house parties.” MPD showed ignorance worthy of this honor, by both misrepresenting Revelry’s intentions and basically saying that holding house parties is illegal.

Congratulations, MPD, for choosing to protect lawns everywhere from the menace of a few students’ feet, a couple of speakers and, God forbid, a keg. We salute your arbitrary application of regulations and indifference to the desires of your downtown community. That’s what grumpy old men do. If only we had played a little “Aquarius/Let the Sunshine in” and smoked some weed like you guys did at the first Mifflin, everything would have been swell. Instead, we were those damn kids drinking and listening to rap. We were basically asking for it.