Our current hookup culture uses a sexual script of a push and resist dynamic, which is problematic for a few main reasons. This script, for one, assumes everyone is single and everyone is heterosexual.
In this dynamic, a man acts as the initiator and women are expected to be more passive. There is an emphasis on penile-vaginal penetration with male orgasm as the end goal. This focus on the male orgasm takes away from the notion of equal pleasure from both partners and the script creates a heteronormative concept of what sex is in our hookup culture.
In our world, there is an orgasm gap. It’s a fact that women on average tend to experience far fewer orgasms than men.
Our current sexual script puts male pleasure above female, so there is inequality in the bedroom. This isn’t how it should be.
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Sex isn’t something that exists purely for male pleasure. It needs to be something enjoyed by all partners. Women need to advocate for themselves and use their agency to communicate their needs.
More importantly, men need to listen. Without communication of what people like and need, sex won’t be all that it can be.
In assuming everyone is single, it puts the aggressor in a space where they see everyone else as a target, rather than an individual who could already be committed to someone else. This is problematic because it puts tension into situations which would otherwise not be needed. It forces a level of trust and discomfort that wouldn’t be present in a relationship under a different script.
It’s also highly problematic that our hookup culture breeds heteronormativity. This model alienates people who do not identify as strictly heterosexual. It makes situations even more uncomfortable and can limit how a person feels they can express themselves and their sexuality.
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We need to change our current hookup culture so that it’s not just cisgender white men who thrive. All people of all identities deserve to feel pleasure and have equality in the bedroom. Our sexual script needs to change, and that change starts with communication and by making sex less of a taboo.
We live in a culture where we all know that sex is happening around us, but there aren’t a lot of open conversations being had about it. If we don’t understand what’s wrong with our sexual script now, it won’t get better and it’s what we’ll carry out into the future. We’ll be stuck with this sexist, heteronormative script and lack equality in the bedroom forever. It’s time for the change to start now.
This author has used a pseudonym in writing this piece. Any resemblance to actual persons is purely coincidental.
