Arguably the most famous bald spot in the Midwest, Gov. Scott Walker has been rocking that thing since before he took office. Many theories have arisen over the polarizing governor’s hairstyle. Here are 10 about how his bald spot came about.
1. It’s an attempt at a state park
Walker is an avid outdoorsmen, so immediately he jumped at the chance to create new land for a state park. Armed with his razor, “Lil’ Scottie,” Walker created public land faster than a speeding Harley.
2. He cut it with all the state taxes
Taxes lead Wisconsin downhill like too much hair can lead to dandruff, thankfully Walker fixed both issues in short order — shaving unnecessary taxes off of small business owners as easily as he shaved his unnecessary hair the same morning.
3. It unionized and left
The public teachers’ march on the Capitol in 2011 tugged at the heartstrings of Walker’s hair. Fed up with his actions, it formed its own union and fled in protest. Some say he still searches for it to this day.
4. It was lost in a controlled slide on his hog
A motorcycle enthusiast and secret diehard Evel Knievel fan, it was no surprise when Walker went out for an early morning ride on his Harley. But the words “hey watch this” and a motorcycle never quite lead to a positive outcome, resulting in Walker losing his hair in a controlled triple rev slide kick.
5. The bald spot blinds his opponents
Nothing is more distracting than a sudden heavenly light being reflected into your eyes. This is a fact Walker’s political opponents have been made painfully aware of, as his bald spot reflects blinding light upon his enemies.
6. For aerodynamics
Nothing drags a person down more than the bureaucracy of state government. Fortunately, a bald spot reduces drag on the human scalp by up to 23 percent.
7. Publicity for his Soundcloud page
Walker’s soon to be released mixtape, “Respect the Police,” has been described as “so fire, in the record studio the burst into flames.” Regardless, the mixtape is so fire that it burned the governor’s hair off … or he shaved it for publicity, it’s still a hotly debated topic in Wisconsin political circles.
8. To lose weight for his wife
Using this one weird trick, Walker lost at up to 0.000005 percent of his body weight. Doctors hate him, but the ladies love him.
9. To provide nesting ground for migrating birds
To become more in tune with nature, Walker began an annual tradition of collecting small twigs, string, newspaper and other assorted household items and placing them in a halo on his head. This year has seen a record amount of birds nesting in the “Walker Avian Sanctuary,” and there have been plans to expand the nesting grounds.
10. Donald Trump shaved it as a power play
Famed for his many aggressive negotiation techniques, President Donald Trump pulled his famous “Trump Trim” on Walker during their recent meetings. When Walker displayed a moment of weakness, Trump pulled out his razor “Lil’ Donnie,” giving him the shave of his life.
