In last week’s column, I mentioned that Bartime would be at the Cabin Lounge, located within the Badger Bowl bowling alley. Seemed like a good plan — bowl a few games and have some suds at the bar.

Unfortunately, Badger Bowl had a private party, and all lanes were taken. What is the point of going to a bowling alley if you can’t throw the rock? We began a bowling quest.

As fate would have it, the problem-solvers at Badger Bowl presented us with an excellent game-time alternative. They suggested we head over to Village Lanes, their sister alley, where we would have no wait for an open lane. They even threw in a few free games.

Most important, especially for a lousy bowler as myself, was the fact the Village Lanes also had a bar.

Village Lanes is located off Monona Drive, about five minutes from the Beltline. The first thing one notices about Village Lanes is that the building strangely resembles a warehouse or a VFW (only absent the requisite WWII tank). Built of metal paneling and a flat-pitched roof, we entered with a certain level of trepidation.

Our anxiety was unfounded. Inside, we encountered an extraordinary bowling environment. The bar was set dead-center in the building, with a dozen or so lanes sandwiching it on both sides.

The advantage to this type of layout is obvious: no matter what lane you are in, it is only a very few steps from the bar. That, my friends, is an example of beautiful efficiency — the fusion of sport and pleasure melded together in one neat package.

Furthermore, this command center placement provided those at the bar with a bird’s-eye view of all of the bowling action. I am certain the bar is a hit for parents having to endure their children’s birthday parties!

The most remarkable feature of the Village Lanes bar is the amount of activity and sensory stimulation. Every nook and cranny has something. One corner has a large-screen TV book ended by bowling pins dressed up as people. Along one wall is Golden Tee, while along another is the fan favorite Cherry Master video slot machine.

The center bar itself is quite amazing. The corners are rounded and extended, more like a circular table instead of a bar. It would be safe to say that at least 30 people could comfortably sit around the bar at once. Above the bar hanging from the ceiling are stained-glass NFL lights. Naturally, we were seated under the Packers light, which only happened by chance or the grace of God.

Totally incapable of thinking due to the massive amount of overstimulation, we took the easy route and settled on a pitcher of Miller Lite. Many of the other patrons were drinking mixed drinks, which were characterized by one customer as “damn strong.”

That in mind, beer was still the drink of choice. After a few minutes, one thirsty bowler exclaimed to his party, “Somebody better get me a beer before I shrivel up here.” That is a situation to which we can all relate.

On Friday nights, the drink specials were equally impressive — $2.00 shots of rail brandy and $2.00 peppermint shots. I’d like to say a few words about brandy. While I don’t have the statistical evidence to back it up, I would have to guess that the state of Wisconsin drinks more brandy than any other state, possibly more than all other states combined.

As for the special — we were all unaware that rail brandy even existed. So we gave it the old college try. It was putrid; we were all convinced that it actually doubles as antifreeze for the upcoming Wisconsin winter. After the brandy, we felt it best to steer clear of the peppermint shots.

In summary, bowling and beer make a great combination. The environment at Village Lanes is first-class and the layout truly unique. The allure is intoxicating, leading my friend Nick to proclaim, “Part of me just wants to drop out of society, work in a bowling alley, make a marginal living, and become a halfway decent bowler and a damn good drunk.”

While a visit to Village Lanes might not move you as much as it did Nick, it remains the perfect tonic for the holiday blues.

This episode is the final Bartime for the semester. Rest assured, we will be back and better than ever in January. Let’s raise our glasses and toast our graduating seniors — I wish you the very best and hope to see you at the bar soon. Cheers to you, my readers, and happy holidays!