Taking the journey to the top of Van Hise is an experience all Badgers should have before graduating. The view from the 18th floor (or even better, the secret, inaccessible 19th floor) is one of the best in Madison, allowing for a spectacular vantage point above the beautiful city, lake and isthmus.
The 18th floor bathroom, on the other hand, does not match the incredible view, and instead presents a very lame and cramped excretory experience.
I expected something special up on the 18th floor bathroom. I had visions of a magnificent restroom with a windowside toilet and a well-dressed bathroom attendant, that upon leaving, would hand me a commemorative “I took a dump on the 18th floor of Van Hise and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt” souvenir. But, of course, that wasn’t the case.
In reality, the facility is a tiny and congested water closet with about the same amount of comfort and capacity as the crawl space beneath your grandmother’s front porch. Almost everything in this bathroom leaves a bad taste in your mouth. The grimy, cream-colored tiles that surround the room provoke thoughts of jaundice and tired 1960s interior design trends. The stalls feel like only half the width of a regulation stall, making for a very claustrophobic crap.
The only redeeming quality of this skyscraping shithole is something that I have yet to see at any other bathroom during my gastrointestinal voyages: a multi-purposed hand and face air dryer. With the nozzle aimed laterally, this dryer can blast a lukewarm jet wash of air, dust and bacteria right into your face.
Specifics
Temperature: Uncomfortably cold
Traffic: Desolate
Stalls: Two dwarf-sized stalls
Toilet Paper: Standard one-ply
Sinks: Two worn out manual faucets
Dryers: One Electric-Aire hand and face dryer
Cell Service: Cellular and wifi compatible
Graffiti: None
Overall: 1.5/5
