There is nothing like a diabolical conspiracy theory to get the imagination juices flowing. Many conspiracy theories are pretty out there, but others — Al Gore invented global warming because he is fat — we know to be totally true. One of my personal favorites comes in the movie “Dr. Strangelove,” when General Jack D. Ripper insists the fluoridation of water is a hard-core communist plot to poison Americans’ precious bodily fluids.

The movie may be absurdist satire, but after hearing about the Texas Board of Education’s proposed changes to the state’s social studies curriculum, replace “bodily fluids” with “brain cells” and “communist” with “right-wing Conservative,” and many liberals are probably willing to roll with General Ripper’s view of reality.

The push to change Texas’s social studies curriculum was led by a group of Christian conservatives who authored curriculum requirements that received preliminary approval in a 10-5 vote last week. Among the major changes is a focus on the Judeo-Christian roots of America’s founding documents and the Conservative resurgence of the 1980s and 1990s.

Many stories about the Texas textbook tiff from liberal media sources have been of the “ZOMG! The conservatives are pawning our history!” variety. However, save the inclusion of a Bill Clinton’s impeachment here and a vindication of Joseph McCarthy’s red-bating there, most changes are more in line with General Ripper’s subtle and insidious way of thinking. For example, the United States does “expansionism” while the USSR prefers “aggression,” all to paint the United States as a force of awesome Christian power in the world.

Christian conservatives’ desire to change what our children is learning may be shocking to some, but such a move is several decades in the making. Since roughly the time of Barry Goldwater — now a player in history curricula — Christian conservatives have been slowly taking over school boards and local offices by first losing, then winning and now writing their own history. Liberals can scoff at these conservatives as a nefarious nexus of nefariousness, or they learn a lesson or two from their conservative pals.

One lesson from the Texas textbook fiasco is that Christian conservatives are committed to their causes. Very committed. Whether it be changing school curricula or overturning Roe v. Wade, they have shown a commitment to the long term, since they believe the fight is not just for earthly political success, but for the nation’s soul. Folks fighting for an ideology rather than tactical success are frighteningly formidable opponents.

This single-minded dedication contrasts sharply with the Democratic mentality that politics is about ideas, and whoever has better ideas will win. True, exceptional Republican governance has facilitated recent national Democratic success, but battling over ideas does not create the type of fervent commitment that leads folks to undertake the tedious process of taking over local boards seat by seat.

A second lesson to be learned from the Christian conservatives is that all politics begins locally and moves upward. Call it trickle-up politics. Town board meetings may be more boring than math class, but they are a starting point for changing local laws and developing a farm system of capable politician prospects. The Christian right has long realized this road to success, and in my opinion, deserves at least a SO for sitting through those super-boring meetings.

The trickle-up model proved successful nationally in 2000 and 2004, when the conservative grassroots infrastructure was mobilized to propel George W. Bush to eight glorious years as president.

Democrats sat idly by while the post-Goldwater conservative juggernaut grew, and they have only recently acknowledged the success of the Conservative model. The leader in Democratic trickle-up politics is actually the much-maligned netroots. Washington people love busting out the haterade on these folks for being a bunch of pajama-clad, hate-filled slackers, but the reality is that most online activists are super-boring, middle-aged, middle-class folks who knock on doors for candidates.

Not surprisingly, after many setbacks in the early 2000s, these activists have already achieved electoral successes, such as Ned Lamont’s epic 2006 victory over noted douchebag Joe Lieberman.

Even the Democratic National Committee adopted trickle-up politics under Give-‘Em-Hell Howard Dean’s “50-State Strategy.” Surprisingly, the crazy-ass Dean Scream character was actually a mundane technocrat who was prodigious at running a national political party. His 50-State Strategy recruited candidates to run at all levels, and local involvement trickled up to several surprising 2008 national victories.

Of course, Democrats then shot themselves in the foot when Rahm Emmanuel essentially put the kibosh on the 50-State Strategy after Dean’s term at the DNC. Regardless, they have seen the Christian conservative political model and should know it has the power to do more than just sully our precious bodily fluids. Changes to Texas textbooks are clearly just a first step toward Doomsday Machines and Dick Cheney being remembered as a great American hero.

Zachary Schuster ([email protected]) is a graduate student studying water resources engineering and water resource management. He would like to remind you that there’s no fighting allowed in the War Room…