In an apparent techological blunder, Madison Police Department’s automated tweets often excludes the most important part of their message, turning the nature of an incident report from criminal to criminally hilarious.

Below is a list of my favorites, dating back only to June.

When don’t guys need some?

Fraud:
5400 Quarry Park Rd., He admits, it did seem suspicious, but he was in-between jobs, needed some http://t.co/TCG8q7kYAI

— Madison Police (@madisonpolice) January 23, 2014

Pip (noun): a small hard seed in a fruit.

Robbery:
2300 block Carling Dr., A 38-year old Madison woman told police she was struck with a small pip http://t.co/Y4CswsIRW3

— Madison Police (@madisonpolice) January 2, 2014

I got hit in the junk with a baseball once. I’d feel threatened too.

Traffic incident/Road Rage:
S. Park Street, A woman says she was threatened by a man wielding a basebal http://t.co/pp5MLDKmpU

— Madison Police (@madisonpolice) January 13, 2014

Not the worst thing to be charged with, for sure.

Sexual Assault:
300 block E. Wilson St., A 27-year old Madison man has been charged with the sexual ass http://t.co/8zTsDOo1My

— Madison Police (@madisonpolice) June 4, 2013

Wait, what area?

Weapons Violation:
1400 block Prairie Road, Caller reports hearing several gunshots in the area of 1400 http://t.co/9NQNAdOmX7

— Madison Police (@madisonpolice) December 21, 2013

Quite a feat in this economy!

Check Person:
West Towne Way, A West District officer is being credited with saving the life of a shopp http://t.co/ZBu3je3csP

— Madison Police (@madisonpolice) December 20, 2013

Why would they respond that way? (insert incredibly sad face)

Traffic Incident:
Oakridge Ave/ Maple Ave, Officers responded to a motor vehicle accident with injuries http://t.co/dW12BHzhCz

— Madison Police (@madisonpolice) December 12, 2013

The mind is powerful. Not many can handle wit.

Battery:
200 block N. Henry St., A  Janesville man was arrested for two counts of battery, wit http://t.co/XVq4PP4Xz5

— Madison Police (@madisonpolice) October 27, 2013

When baking cakes gets out of hands.

Battery:
1525 N. Stoughton Rd., The MPD arrested a 30-year old Sun Prairie woman for substantial batter http://t.co/vNGhyQgKtE

— Madison Police (@madisonpolice) October 21, 2013

Apparently, they didn’t push very hard.

Weapons Violation:
3600 block Milwaukee St., The victim could not remember if the pushing match started http://t.co/0QxS5TBlb1

— Madison Police (@madisonpolice) October 23, 2013

Casting a wide net for their survey.

Your feedback is needed!: It is that time again: The North Police District needs your feedback! If you live http://t.co/pA1SSXk2Xg

— Madison Police (@madisonpolice) October 21, 2013

Was John Travolta there?

Death Investigation:
2930 N. Sherman Ave.,   A child, fishing in the Warner Park lagoon, disco http://t.co/fGxQjDKMnT

— Madison Police (@madisonpolice) September 6, 2013

My hat tips to you, social media minds behind the Madison Police automated Twitter system. Cheers.

Two of our friendly officers working Freakfest this past Saturday – it's always fun when attendees are well-behaved! pic.twitter.com/HsOaxO8uW9

— Madison Police (@madisonpolice) October 28, 2013

But maybe consider at least using ellipses…