In most election cycles, the issue of energy policy is about as cool as other hot-button issues such as farm subsidies and mass transit funding. However, with gas prices hitting levels that require some families to sell their second-born child just to get to work every day, the issue of energy policy in the 2008 presidential campaign has taken up an ever-larger share of the policy arena.

Both candidates have assembled crack teams of very adult energy experts who are without a doubt the best money can buy, err, the best in their fields. After listening to John McCain’s “drill here, drill now” schtick and Barack Obama ceaselessly declare his affections for clean coal, I’m pretty convinced that maybe America would be better off if these so-called adults took a play break in the sandbox, and we turned our future energy policy over to someone a little more qualified.

You know, someone like little Timmy, age 8.

Now surely, the pundits would ask questions about Timmy’s experience and the influence of “Big Wheel” bikes on his energy policy, but unlike the “adults” creating energy policy for McCain and Obama, we can rest assured that little Timmy actually paid attention in when the class was learning about renewable and non-renewable resources.

And since he knows that no dinosaurs are dying any time soon to produce more non-renewable oil, Timmy knows that to achieve true energy independence — and a functional society in the future — we need to get serious about conserving the non-renewable energy we still have, while heavily funding renewable energy research and production.

Somehow the concept of non-renewable resources has managed to completely pass McCain and the other “adults” who support him. One only needs to hearken back to the “Drill Baby Drill” chants the Republicans sent ringing through the rafters at their recent convention to realize they either enjoy playing ignorant or they never passed the second grade. Those finger paintings can be a challenge — you never know.

And I’m sure even little Timmy could appreciate the irony of the “adults” who whine about schools — telling every child that he is “special” — being the same “adults” who want to pillage the Gulf Coast solely for the psychological benefit of knowing that an extra 200,000 barrels of oil will be produced every day… in 2030.

Lest one start to think that Timmy is a budding Democrat, a look at some of the policy proposals of Obama shows that though he may be McCain’s junior by a generation, he is not anywhere near junior enough. An energy man tied to the whims of the Radio Flyer lobby would be far superior to Obama’s Illinois-bred ties to the corn ethanol and “clean coal” interests endemic to his home state.

The idea of growing our nation’s way to energy independence via corn ethanol sounds great in theory. However, corn takes a tremendous amount of oil, water and land to produce, meaning that non-renewable resources are required to produce the supposedly renewable biofuels. As little Timmy has learned by stocking his quarters away in his piggy bank, when you take more allowance out than you put in, you eventually run out of money. The same can be said for investing non-renewable energy in biofuels.

In addition, as a mere lad who’s only 8, Timmy is still a bit of an idealist who would like to see America‘s corn-growing efforts go into solving the world hunger crisis rather than into perpetuating an idea that an inefficient means of energy production is going to be the nation’s national energy savior.

Another of Obama’s proposals calls for the investment of more money into clean coal technology. Fortunately for America, children are blessed with amazing BS detectors, so our friend Timmy is able to easily recognize that the idea of “clean coal” is a rather absurd oxymoron. It does not take an adult-level logic class to understand that the words “clean” and “coal” are mutually exclusive.

As little Timmy has learned as he suffers through his bowl of lima beans to earn ice cream for dessert, the task of shifting our society to renewable energy will not be without its sacrifices.

Quick fixes and sloganeering work great for modern American political campaigns, but with our nation and the world reaching a critical juncture for investing in renewable energy sources for the future, perhaps it’s time to stop pretending that Santa Claus is going to bring us renewable energy for Christmas.

Sadly, it’s the “adults” who are waiting for the big gift under the tree, while our friend little Timmy understands that the path to renewable energy begins with some of the lessons he has gleaned from his second-grade education.

Zachary Schuster ([email protected]) is a graduate student in water resources engineering.