Welcome back, Hump Day Aficionados! After a month-long hiatus, your trusted sexperts are fired-up and ready to answer your deepest, most tantalizing questions with all the wisdom you know we got goin’ on. In honor of the new semester, we thought it necessary to kick things off with a fresh start. But, as you all probably know, we need your help to do what we do best.
We at Hump Day rely heavily on the questions we receive from our readers. You guys provide the basis for nearly all of our columns, and through your questions we’re given the chance to gain some amazing perspective on how our student body deals with all things sex. In return, Hump Day answers every sex question you ever dreamed of asking!
Imagine this: you’re sitting at your desk, gazing out your window at our snow-ridden campus, and BAM! It hits you. Your sex life hasn’t turned out quite as you’d hoped. You’re in a great committed relationship, yet, despite wanting crazy sex every night, the two of you have slipped into the “sex for 10 minutes before bed” routine, where you use the tried-and-true cowgirl position and the both of you get off and fall asleep.
Suddenly wanting to add more variety, you think, “Well, some new positions could really help us turn up the heat.” But alas, those Kama Sutra diagrams you found on Google can only go so far. You wonder who to turn to in this time of sexual crisis, and suddenly, the answer is clear. Like a beam of light piercing the fog of your despair, Hump Day rings from the highest reaches of greater Madison and, in true melodramatic form, is here to help.
To best serve your needs and to really be able to accurately pinpoint the right answer for you, we ask that you are specific in your questions. Providing background information about your situation is really necessary for us to find the perfect solution to your dilemma. We want to encourage you to be as detailed and unreserved as possible because the more points you give us, the more we have to work with.
We want to reassure our readers that every question you send us will be treated with the greatest confidentiality. No names or identifying feature will ever be used. Despite your worries that your partner will know who you are when you send in a question with details of how you both “have sex against the kitchen sink daily” and “dress up in diapers and suck milk from baby bottles,” trust us, nearly a quarter of the whole campus — over 40,000 people — does the SAME! Your question may seem insanely specific, but there are tons of other readers in similar boats and our response will undoubtedly help all of them.
What we’re looking for here: background, specificity, something meaty we can latch on to.
OK Example: “I want to spice up my sex life. Help!”
Better: “We have sex for five minutes before we go to bed. Girl on top always gets us off and we like that sensation but are looking to mix it up. Don’t get me wrong, we’re pretty happy with how things have been, but we know that there could so much more. Any advice?”
Last comment before we go and answer a question we received over the break: we know you might be embarrassed to ask about the best butt plug to buy or what’s the best way to introduce bondage into your bedroom, BUT Hump Day has heard it all, knows it all and lived almost all of it! Answering sex questions is our job. It’s what we do best.
Dear Hump Day:
What’s something new I can try in the new year?
Exploring Sex in the New Year
Awesome question ESNY! All three sex columnists have gathered to answer:
Rachel: You know that old saying, “It’s good to have friends in high places”? Well, replace the friends with sex and there ya go. Airplane sex is uncomfortable and outdated — who even says “mile-high club” anymore, aside from my grandma? I say we revolutionize in-flight sex. I’m not sure how yet, but the pun worked, and I figured that had to count for something. Get back to me.
Nicolette: Every year we make the resolution to be more active and exercise more. I think you should play more! Sexually that is. Sex burns calories, boosts your mood and keeps you fit. Have more sex with your partner; switch it up from nighttime to noon time. If you don’t have a partner to play with, try new positions and objects to masturbate with. Spicing up solo sex has the same benefits.
Nikki: We all resolve not to drink soda or watch as much TV or go on Facebook six times per day. While we would never advocate being self-restrictive in the bedroom, one thing you COULD forgo this year is faking orgasms. That’s right; just say no. Having your partner think he or she is blowing your mind when really you’re not even coming close is a major roadblock to having actual orgasmic sex. Whether you’re faking to make the other person feel better or just to make the poor bastard stop, the best thing to do is show him or her how to get you to come — touch here, thrust there, lick like this — and understand that even if it feels perfect, it may not happen right away. We’ll take patience over dissatisfaction any day.
Nicolette Pawlowski is a graduate student in EPS and a sexual health educator. Rachel Dickens is a junior majoring in journalism. Nikki Signer is a political science and religious studies major and a facilitator for Spill. Send in your questions to: [email protected].
