Sept. 28, 2023, Wisconsin representatives will be introducing Wisconsin Cares Act 1337, otherwise known as the “Housing Repair and Relief Act.” The bill is designed to increase renting sustainability by lowering late renting fees, increasing support for housing renovations and allowing landlords to send leg breakers after anyone owing them money.

Rep. Nicole Breenaan, who sponsored the bill’s passage, caught up with The Badger Herald yesterday, excited to use her important legislative time to speak to student reporters.

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“Wisconsin Cares Act 1337 is gonna be an absolute smash with the economy,” Breenaan said, sporting a wide grin bordering on bloodlust. “Firstly this will ensure that housing is cheaper and of higher quality. Secondly, it ensures that there are dire consequences for anyone unwilling to shell out their dough right away.”

“There are multiple mouth-breathing, unemployable losers out there with no real skills or dreams — these people are perfect for training in the leg-breaking field,” Breenaan said. “Not only will their new skills allow them to contribute in the local economy by stimulating demand for medical services — but local sports stores are gonna be thrilled at the new demand for wooden baseball bats.”

Some have laid out complaints about the new rules. Certain members of the Wisconsin Legislature believe that the new law “allows for an unchecked militant arm of the already well-protected landlords.” But with a calm, balanced assessment of the benefits of the leg breakers, many of the Wisconsin State Representatives agreed that this is the best possible outcome — leading to a landslide passage.

“Finally a chance to correct the unbroken legs of the unwashed masses,” whispered Breenaan in a loving tone as we concluded our interview.