In 20 years, this person will be….
Management:
Abby Doeden: Editor-in-Chief (2020); Still keeps in touch with Red from the plate room (whatever the f*ck that is); sends him a Christmas card every year, etc. etc. (2040)
Abby Steinberg: Managing Editor (2020); Still loves the Constitution more than she’s loved any man (2040)
Gretchen Gerlach: Managing Editor (2020); Becomes the sole owner and proprietor of Paul Pel’mini (2040)
News:
Mary Magnuson: Digital News Editor (2020); Finally tells her significant other that her name is in fact, Mary not “bugs” (2040) F*ck it, just changes her name to bugs (2041)
Molly DeVore: Digital News Editor (2020); Niche Emo event planner (2040)
Lauren Henning: Print News Editor (2020); EIC of the only remaining print-only newspaper on the planet (2040)
Courtney Erdman: Print News Editor (2020); Is the Dane County Supervisor (2040)
Savannah Kind: Campus News Associate Editor (2020); Finally lost it and destroyed SSFC once and for all (2040)
Caroline Li: Campus News Associate Editor (2020); Forward Madison FC Media rep (2040)
Erin Gretzinger: City News Associate Editor (2020); Becomes a pulitzer prize-winning journalist for her outstanding investigative coverage on Area 51 and the presence of aliens on Earth (2040)
Sophie Wimmel: City News Associate Editor (2020); Still mad about the Ohio River Valley (2040)
Ben Baker: State News Associate Editor (2020); Invents a phone that never dies, which solves most of his problems (2040)
Janani Sundar: State News Associate Editor (2020); Somehow has like 5 very successful careers all at once (2040)
Arts:
Zach Lutz: Arts Editor (2020); Doesn’t know what his real voice sounds like anymore because he’s done so many accents (2040)
Veronica Kuffel: Arts Editor (2020); Creates her own line of comfy, upcycled 80s dad sweaters (2040)
Features:
Nuha Dolby: Print Features Editor (2020); Finds the cure for cancer, also breaks the story (2040)
Anna Walters: Digital Features Editor (2020); Goes undercover to report a story on Hype House; ends up staying (2040)
Opinion:
Harry Quick: Opinion Editor (2020); Changes name to Harold with an ‘E’ (2040)
Samiha Bhushan: Opinion Editor (2020); Famous Chicago-based opinion columnist, big house and several obscure pets, still not enough to stop Katie from calling her every week for help on simple scientific-math problems (2040)
Sports:
Harrison Freuck: Sports Editor (2020); Verified on Twitter…. That is all. Goodnight. AND married to Shayde after an intense office affair (2040)
John Spengler: Sports Editor (2020); Masked vigilante Johnny “Wonder Boy” Spengles (2040)
Will Whitmore: Associate Sports Editor (2020); Sports Editor for the Badger Herald (2040)
Banter:
Keagan Schlosser: Banter Writer (2020); Stars in the Broad City reboot with Ilana Glazer (2040)
Copy:
Audrey Swanson: Copy Chief (2020); Fights crime and oxford commas (2040)
Sam Huss: Copy Associate (2020); Lives in a self-sustaining tiny house off the grid in an undisclosed location with her cat Cheese Pizza (2040)
Eliza Lindley: Copy Associate (2020); Still one of the most dependable and wonderful people in the room (2040)
Arushi Gupta: Copy Associate (2020); Gets on TV for saving someone in a car crash but denies saving them because she’s too humble (2040)
Maggie Hendon: Copy Associate (2020); Still copy editing for The Badger Herald on her down time
Lindsey Knuth: Copy Associate (2020); EIC of News Week (2040)
Design:
Channing Smith: Designer (2020); Still designing Herald cover art from across the world (2040)
Katie Hardie: Infographic Designer (2020); Opinion columnist, specializing in reviews of TV shows viewed primarily by middle-aged, suburban women (2040)
Photo:
Ahmad Hamid: Photo Editor (2020); Awarded Photo of the Year for a photoshopped photograph showing birds exist (2040)
Public Relations:
Peyton David: Board Chair (2020); Finally achieves a full cartwheel without tumbling down the hallway (2040)
Angela Peterson: Public Relations Director (2020); Argues a 1st amendment case in front of the supreme court defending a degenerate herald banter article (2040)
Business:
Shayde Erbrecht: Publisher (2020); Finally kicked off of board AND Ditches wife for a full-time office affair with Harrison (2040)
Patrick Williams: Advertising Director (2020); Sales rep – Wings over Madison (2040)
Morgan Healey: Nonprofit Manager (2020); Still the only Herald staff member actively attending bi-weekly Alumni meetings (2040)
