In our ongoing effort to educate the uneducated about the gaming world, we couldn’t help but acknowledge some of the reasons that people hate video games. Whether it’s boring plot, lackluster visuals or horrid game play, there are plenty of reasons to dislike certain games.
The dark underbelly of gaming we chose to examine in this edition of Nerd Alert is the abundance of utterly annoying characters. Almost every game has at least one of these miscreants, but some stand out among the rest.
Ironically, all of these choices come straight out of some of the best games released over the years. Proving that no game is perfect, these six characters make up what we like to call “The Digital Douchebags.”
6. Eric Sparrow
“Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater” had long been a successful game franchise when it decided to try something new. Activision put a greater emphasis on the story element of the games in “Tony Hawk’s Underground,” placing gamers into the shoes of a skater they created. From the first sequence to the final credits of the game, players are victim to the blithering idiot who is Eric Sparrow.
As if it’s not annoying enough that he screws players over multiple times during the course of the story, he also constantly finds himself in trouble with various characters. As would be expected, it’s up to the gamers to save him from peril.
For every occasion I wanted to break my board over the back of his head while playing this otherwise excellent game, Eric is the sixth-most annoying video game character of all time.
5. Cait Sith and Yuffie
The worlds of Final Fantasy are blessed with some of the most memorable characters in gaming, full of first-rate depth and personality, engrossing the player in their quests. Both the villains, such as the unforgettable Sephiroth and cunning Kefka, as well as the heroes, such as Cloud and Cecil, stand out as some of the best ever.
However, every so often something goes terribly wrong. And, sadly, two of these mistakes pop up in what is almost universally considered to be the series flagship title, “Final Fantasy VII” — Cait Sith and Yuffie.
Cait Sith is the name of a small catlike creature who rides around on the back of a massive “moogle.” Indeed, this character is so ridiculous that his job is referred to as a “toysaurus.” Proving useless both in battle and throughout the story, Cait Sith even reveals himself to be a traitor, betraying Cloud and gang to the evil Shinra Corporation.
All of that hard work ends up down the drain. And what’s worse? A stupid robot-riding cat-freak is the culprit. It’s more of a joke than serious, and detracts from the otherwise unparalleled storytelling of the Final Fantasy series.
The second annoying character from “Final Fantasy VII” is none other than the not-so-secret, secret character Yuffie, who once met, proceeds to steal all of your party’s materia. For the uninitiated, materia is used throughout the game to give players special abilities and magic spells, and form the basis for one’s ability to do battle.
Stripped of their magic, your characters become next to worthless until you complete an unnecessarily long quest and she finally joins your group.
And then proves to be a worthless fighter in your party.
All that work for nothing.
4. Don Flamenco
Oh Don. What can really be said about Mr. Flamenco? For a highly ranked boxer, Flamenco is quite possibly the biggest pacifist to grace the ring. He almost never hits Little Mac unless provoked, and only then it’s after a substantial amount of taunting. Seriously, who points to his chin asking to be punched?
Don’s charismatic antics don’t stop inside of the ring, however. During the breaks between rounds, Flamenco takes some time to compliment referee Mario on his locks, begs Mac to not mess up his own hair or my personal favorite, declares his love for a special lady: “Carmen my love … I dance so sweet for you!”
As if this wasn’t enough to label this guy the biggest tool to ever lace up gloves, the man prances around the ring with a rose in his mouth before every fight. He may appear to have a wicked uppercut, but I’d be willing to bet that Ghandi could take him in a straight fight.
3. Tingle
The Legend of Zelda series has always stood head and shoulders above the rest, delivering players with a gaming experience almost unrivaled. However, it has always been known for its light-hearted nature, and nowhere did Nintendo take it too far than with the creation of the oh-so-not-lovable character of Tingle.
First appearing in “The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask,” Tingle is a prime example of Nintendo’s foolish pandering to childish interests, ignoring long-time fans who’ve grown older, expecting Nintendo to grow along with them.
Instead, players are subjected to dealing with this extremely annoying elf-like freak as he demands you complete his little tasks. To give you a fairly good idea, Tingle acts as the Jar-Jar Binks of the Zelda world. You just can’t help but want to kill him.
Rather than add to the game in any significant sense, Tingle merely distracts players from the fantasy as they attempt to deal with his obnoxious giggle. And rather than get rid of this character after the first run through, Tingle has appeared in each of the subsequent Zelda titles since, including “The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker,” where he forces you to sail around the world on fetch quests — the epitome of boring game play, made worse through poor character design.
Although, in later games, it is possible to shoot the balloon he floats on out of the air, and watch as this annoying distraction excused as a character falls on his face.
2. Raiden
Not to be confused with his “Mortal Kombat” thunder-god counterpart, Raiden graced gamer’s PlayStations throughout much of “Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty.”
Imagine, if you could, anticipating a game for two years. Having played through the original “Metal Gear Solid” on PlayStation, its sequel was one of the reasons many people, this writer included, went out and bought a PS2. As the game is released, excited gamers raced through the first few hours of the game, controlling the badass Solid Snake all the way.
And then it happens.
In a flash, the setting is changed. Snake is gone, and Raiden is in, seemingly out of the blue.
Going from the tough-as-nails Snake to the whiny, blonde-haired effeminate Raiden is like the Titanic hitting an iceberg for the game. Spiraling off into an existential mess, “Metal Gear Solid 2” began to fall apart as Raiden failed to lend the game essential cajones so lacking from such a wuss of a character.
As one drudges through convoluted, philosophical conversations with his girlfriend over the radio, talking about their digital relationship and trust, Metal Gear finds its redemption in the action packed game play, but never truly recovers from its most obnoxious mistake.
There is a good reason why, in “Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater,” Raiden only shows his pretty-boy face as an inside joke for gaming vets. Easily one of the most controversial characters in gaming history, Raiden’s presence proved extremely unwelcome.
1. Toad
It takes a lot to rise to the top of a list of the most annoying characters in video games past. While it might seem to be a hard choice, the winner was painfully obvious. When seeking aggravation from video games, one needs to look no further than good old Nintendo.
“Super Mario Bros.” is easily the best platformer ever released. Although the rest of the game was spectacular, one aspect has always left a bad taste in the mouths of gamers — Toad.
Mario goes through intense trials and tribulations, taking out Bowser along the way, only to find this despicable little mushroom guy sitting in a dungeon. “Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle!” Little did gamers know that Toad was only getting warmed up.
Skipping ahead a few years, “Super Mario Bros. 3” saw Toad welcome Mario into his home for various power-ups. While he could’ve just asked Mario what he’d like, Toad chose to hide his goodies in treasure chests.
Recent titles have seen Toad sucking at racing go-karts and blowing at a wide variety of party games. After over two decades, he has rightfully earned his place in our hall of annoying characters. One can only wonder what sort of stupid tricks he has waiting up his sleeves. Then again, he doesn’t have sleeves. Did I mention he wears a vest and hammer pants? No contest, Toad is quite deserving of this coveted title.