It all started out fairly simply. I was at a Dave Matthews concert my senior year of high school with one girl and two guy friends, and we were all pretty intoxicated. The girl, we’ll call her Jane, and I saw one of those guys selling roses and immediately our eyes lit up. I don’t know about you, but I always wanted someone to buy me one of those stupid, overpriced roses they sell at concerts. The drunken gleam in my eye must have given me away, because soon enough our two guy friends offered Jane and I each a rose if we would make out with each other.
Now I am not talking about a little peck, quick brush-of-the-lips kiss. They required full on, with tongue making out. Well, judging by the title of this column, I am sure no one is surprised to hear that I did it, but at the time it was quite a surprise to me.
I had never even entertained the thought of kissing another girl until that moment, and I was shocked to find that it was surprisingly pleasant considering I am undoubtedly heterosexual.
Ok now, calm yourselves. The only reason I bring it up is to open up the topic of sexual experimentation in college, or, bicuriosity as some might call it. Over the course of these four years, we are trying to figure out exactly who we are and what we want.
Students experiment with drugs, friends, hobbies and, in some cases, sexuality. In fact, I think it’s only natural that in a time when we are learning so much and absorbing so many things we may not have experienced in our hometowns that we will begin to question our definitions of sexuality. College opens students’ eyes to a whole world they may not have previously known, and in that newfound awareness comes a natural urge to question the world around us.
“Do I really want to be a real-estate agent like my mother?” “Should I have taken a year off to experience the world?” “Why are my parents so closed-minded?” “Am I gay if I think someone of the same sex is sexy?”
Confusion over feelings about members of the same sex is nothing new. Little boys often play with their sister’s Barbies, and little girls might beg their parents for Ninja Turtles. This is seen as perfectly normal in the process of growing up, and most modern parents realize that just because a child is curious about qualities of the opposite sex, it does not mean that every little boy who likes pink is gay.
And this curiosity about things we may never have experienced does not just go away when we legally become adults. Though we may be done growing up in the eyes of the law, there is certainly a whole lot of unchartered territory to discover during the college years.
In a recent poll on allaboutsex.com, when males and females were asked whether they had ever had fantasies about someone of the same sex, 48 percent of males said yes as did 62 percent of females. Now this is not to say that those numbers reflect whether these people acted upon their urges, just that they did entertain the notion that someone of the same sex was sexually attractive.
Add this to the fact that on college campuses there is a large majority of students who drink heavily on weekends, and it is no surprise that sometimes girls will end up kissing girls and guys wind up kissing guys in a moment of drunken bliss.
Often, these trysts will result at the urging of other partygoers in a state of intoxicated glee, and the participants may find they feel embarrassed or ashamed the next day at the previous evening’s “indiscretion.” This is simply silly.
Why should anyone be embarrassed about something that was purely meant to be fun and spur-of-the-moment? Maybe you stumbled into this same-sex possibility out of your own free will and desire. That is just as normal.
We are here to learn the skills necessary to guide us through the rest of our lives. While that includes education, responsibility and independence among other things, it also encompasses our sexual orientations.
Who knows if the sexual inclinations we had in adolescence will determine the rest of our lives? Maybe high school didn’t allow you the space you needed to discover what you naturally prefer. And even if it did, there’s no reason you can’t just try out other things while you’re still young.
As interesting as members of the opposite sex may be to the average heterosexual, there’s no reason we shouldn’t find members of the same sex just as interesting. In fact, same-sex attraction may be so taboo to most heterosexuals that it incidentally becomes somewhat arousing to entertain thoughts about.
For my part, I know that first day I kissed a girl back in high school, my eyes were opened to a whole other possibility. Though the fact remains that my attraction to guys well overruled my mild curiosity about girls, it is still something that I am glad I opened myself up to.
Though bicuriosity may not be for everyone, just realize that next time you see two of your friends making out in the middle of a bar, don’t judge them, applaud them for their ability to grab life by the reins and find out who they really are.
And whether you are into guys, girls or both, everyone should be interested in safe sex, so use a condom.