The holidays are over, the temperature is in the single digits, and classes are once again in session — time for the midwinter hump … er … slump.

Many of us are returning from the cozy haze of winter break to dorm rooms or apartments caked with dust, heavily mildewed laundry and frightening new strains of bacteria in the fridge. Those of you lucky enough to find a boyfriend/girlfriend first semester may now find yourself alone after a month away from your sweetie, and with classes kicking off with a bang, it’s doubtful you will be finding a replacement anytime soon.

But fear not, fellow students, for though a heavy class load may cut down on your social life, it doesn’t have to take away from your sex life.

Yes, it’s time to bring up everyone’s dirty little secret … masturbation.

The most comprehensive statistics available on masturbation date back to a study done 50 years ago by Alfred Kinsey, and though it is old, the Kinsey Report remains the largest study conducted on human sexual behavior in history. Kinsey’s data indicated that 92 percent of males and 62 percent of women reported having masturbated.

For something so prevalent in darkened bedrooms across America, it’s amazing that most people, men and women alike, will not admit to their forays into the world of masturbation.

Don’t try to pretend like you have never tried it, or at the very least touched yourself “down there” at least once. It’s perfectly normal, and anyone who tells you any differently just hasn’t tried it yet. And for those individuals who are too scared, ashamed or grossed-out to stimulate themselves, let me just tell you — don’t knock it ’til you try it.

The word “masturbation” itself may conjure up pictures of horny, acne-riddled teenage boys beating off to their dad’s issue of Hustler, but there are plenty of other terms out there for those who prefer to adopt an air of sophistication.

For the males, you may refer to your one-on-one sessions as “batting practice,” “hand-to-gland contact” or even “taking a shake break.” And ladies, even though you may not be as active as the males statistically, there’s no shame in “hitchhiking south,” “muffin-buffin'” or “parting the red sea” (all terms courtesy of The Masturbation Café online).

Still not comfortable with the idea of playing five against one? Think of all the benefits masturbation involves. It’s convenient — no waiting for the other person to be ready or stressing out about sharing your bed with someone you don’t know very well.

Solo sex can be done anytime and almost anywhere. That commercial for “Girls Gone Wild” got your panties in a twist? No problem — just mosey on into your room for a sweet release. It’s as simple as that. It’s not referred to as “sex without complications” for nothing.

Not only is manual magic “handy,” it’s also good for your health. Without the interaction of someone else’s privates, there is absolutely no risk of STDs. Pretty hard to get crabs from your hand, now isn’t it? No messing with condoms, lubes or spermicides, either, so you can concentrate on more important things, like getting your rocks off.

Not to mention that studies have consistently shown that individuals who masturbate are much happier with their sex lives and are often thought to be better lovers. It makes sense: If you don’t even know what sends your senses into overdrive, how is someone else supposed to know? People who masturbate are comfortable with their bodies, and this makes for a more relaxed environment in the bedroom.

You know what you like and what works, so the odds are much greater that you will orgasm, with or without a partner.

At the beginning of last semester, some of my girlfriends were completely uncomfortable even discussing masturbation or saying the word out loud. It wasn’t until one night involving very cheap wine that the subject was even mentioned, but once it was on the table, it was amazing what the girls had to say.

About half had tried it and half had not, and the ones who hadn’t were full of questions for the more experienced girls. Now it’s something we talk about easily, and some of the girls have even bought themselves vibrators.

Masturbation does not have to be the taboo that it so often is. We just need to learn to be more accepting and embrace the fact that most people, whether they admit it or not, are “coming into their own” every day. With no spreading of STDs, no risk of pregnancy and certainly no risk of embarrassing yourself, masturbation is good in so many ways.

So why do we still think of it as “bad?”

Did you lose your virginity in a weird place or situation? Or did you plan out the entire thing with candles, roses and condoms? Please write and tell me your stories of deflowerment. All identities will be kept secret. E-mail me at [email protected]