Since the 1960s, women have been changing the face of sexuality and gender. With the women’s liberation movement of the ’60s and ’70s, women began to take control in all areas of their lives, from the workplace to their own homes.

Why then, 40 years later, are women still complacent in the one place we should feel completely comfortable: the bedroom? The act of sex is an intimate exchange between two people, and the fact that males still dominate this area of our personal lives is sad. If we can stand up for better salaries and job equality, then why can’t we command better orgasms?

Although sometimes it is nice to allow the male to assume the traditional role in the bedroom, it can get old pretty fast. Would you be happy doing missionary and only missionary all the time? I don’t think so. This is why I don’t understand why females settle for male dominance all the time.

The plain fact of the matter is, sometimes the guys just don’t know what they are doing. And why should we lay back and take it when we could grab hold of the reins and bring ourselves to sexual pleasure, rather than relying on the male to mind-read?

I’m sure most males out there are not too pleased either with the constant pressure to direct foreplay and bring both partners to orgasm. That’s a large load to carry, no pun intended.

This is why I am calling all females to try taking charge the next time you find yourself in an intimate position. Instead of assuming the traditional role of docile female, devoid of sexual desire and cravings, why not grab hold (wink, wink) of the situation and let him know what you really want?

The media has painted a bad picture of female dominance in the bedroom, portraying women who get what they want in the bedroom as sexual deviants. The stereotypical image of a woman swathed in leather whipping her boyfriend while he licks her boots is not what I am talking about here.

You can start off simple, by first telling your lover what feels good and what doesn’t. This does not have to be done in a rude or condescending manner. Yelling “No, not there, you idiot, THERE!” in the middle of sex is not the way to go. Rather, show your partner what you like through appreciative sounds or movements.

Another step women must take in order to get what they want in the bedroom is to quit being lazy and get on top! I know, I know, what if your stomach looks big or your boobs seem saggy? Trust me ladies, when a man has a woman on top of him all set to take control, the last thing on his mind is whether or not that donut you ate two weeks ago has made your thighs look jiggly.

So stop thinking so much, and start doing. Being on top allows you to control the speed and rhythm, so for those of you with one-minute men out there, consider the joys of making him a five- or even 10-minute man.

Many of us settle for second-best sex, not only because we don’t know how to communicate to our partners what pushes our pleasure buttons but because we’re not always sure what those buttons are. Maybe that explains why a new study found 20 percent of young women have trouble getting turned on and 26 percent are unable to reach orgasm (www.women.com). Nearly a third of women are unable to reach orgasm?

C’mon guys, this can be prevented! All you have to do is expand your mind and break down the traditional barriers of the bedroom.

One extremely popular way to really let the woman take control in the sack is through the use of handcuffs or blindfolds. Handcuffs, when used by consenting partners, of course, force the active partner to take control. Although you may not be comfortable calling your significant other “a naughty, dirty, little boy,” the use of handcuffs is a mild form of domination many people can feel comfortable with.

As a side note, I recommend using handcuffs specially designed for the bedroom. You know the ones I’m talking about, the cuffs with leopard- or cheetah-print fur around the middle. Cheesy and bawdy as they may seem, these softer alternatives allow the pleasure of restraint without the pain of metal, so you can keep the “bon” in “bondage!”

Blindfolding can be fun, because the loss of sight heightens other senses. When you don’t know where you’re partner is or what they are going to do next, your nerves become ultra-sensitive, and pleasure is heightened.

Just be sure to act responsibly when using handcuffs or a blindfold; you’re putting your partner in a vulnerable position, so don’t take advantage of it, unless it’s in a good way.

Whether you choose to start off easy by showing your partner what feels good or take the plunge and “ride the bull,” it’s time for more women to take control in the sexual arena. Do whatever makes you and your partner feel comfortable; just be sure to get what you want! And never ever hop on top without a sock!

What songs get you in the mood? Are there any ones in particular that you’ve done the deed to? Write me at [email protected] and let me know! (all names will be withheld)