After working in the sun for six hours, you’ve saved enough from your seasonal work to buy a ticket to see your favorite rock band(s). It’s a general admission show, and in this kind of situation, it’s your ingenuity versus that of twenty thousand other people in your effort to find the best standing space to check out your icons.

If you are indie to the bone and only attend shows with less than twenty people in the crowd, then this article is not for you. As a seasoned rock concert veteran, I offer you the five pitfalls of general admission concerts in no particular order. If you see any of this stuff going on, you know it’s time to weave your way through the mass of sweaty people surrounding you, because if you don’t, it’s going to be a long show.

1) The huge, smelly guy who refuses to wear a shirt. Somehow you’ve managed to get stuck next to this guy who stinks of Marb reds, Michelob Light and something that smells like a mutant form of Pert Plus. Unaware of his condition, he seems to be under the guise that it is acceptable for him to remove his shirt, unleashing a smell that is beyond B.O., it’s B.B.O (thanks to Jerry Seinfeld on that one). Steer clear of this guy or you’ll be showering for a week.

2) The possessive boyfriend who brings his uninterested girlfriend into the middle of a swarming mosh pit. This guy stands behind his significant other and tries to keep everyone in attendance in a three-foot radius around his girlfriend. He becomes very angry when anyone imposes on the space he has carved out for himself, so you will constantly be assessing your proximity to this neurotic couple. If they wanted a romantic dinner for two, they should have made reservations at Porta Bella instead of attending a rock concert. This couple can also be found at low-grade amusement parks and city carnivals wearing baby blue clothes while waiting in line for the Gravitron.

3) The people who really believe that they should be singing every lyric to every song. The sing-along is a longstanding tradition that has found massive favor recently with Creed worshippers. Those who believe in the sing-along need to be loaded on a bus and shipped to the next nearest city. If I wanted to pay 20-40 bucks to hear someone sing like crap, then I’d call my friend Nabeel and have him sing “The Red Summer Sun” by Third Eye Blind for me. Someone needs to literally burn the master recording of that one. You know what I’m talking about, I know that Mini-Sultani does.

4) Emo girls who cry when Chris Carrabba of Dashboard Confessional hits the stage. I caught this guy at a festival in Detroit and I’ve never seen so many girls crying over a guy who clearly didn’t translate to a large, festival crowd. Do they cry when Elliot Smith plays a gig? Elliot’s clearly got the lead on this guy and I would have much rather heard a little “Needle In The Hay” than “The Best Deceptions,” but that’s just me. I admit to digging some of Dashboard’s lonely rock, but on that particular day, there was no translation whatsoever, but don’t tell that to the girls carrying around self-made portraits of Carrabba.

5-Anyone who tries to talk on a cell phone during the performance. I actually witnessed someone take a cell phone from some guy in Toronto and crush it with his foot. Needless to say, this may have been the coolest thing I have seen at a concert, and that guy gets a major heads up from me. You don’t even need to be employed or have an income to get a cell phone, but these people are under the false impression that they are above the rest of the crowd, when in reality, they are not.

So if you are headed out to a general admission rock show this summer, keep these people in mind, they will be everywhere and if you are lucky, then you will be able to avoid all of them and have an enjoyable time checking out some live music that hopefully translates in the live setting.