Book your flight! Pack your bags! Feed your fish! Ditch that class!

We're all going to Orlando!

Have you heard the latest abomination from the NFL owner's meetings in Florida? During yesterday afternoon's voting, the owners — I shudder as I type — took away end-zone celebrations after touchdowns!

Yes, this is a true story; no, this isn't an early April Fool's joke; and yes, someone must put a stop to this.

Why are NFL owners — these snobby, stuffy individuals — taking away one of the greatest facets of the best sport in the world? They truly are making sure we all remember what the NFL — No Fun League — really stands for.

I mean, couldn't they be focusing their energy on ridding professional football of things that actually need to be eliminated? For instance, horse collar tackles, $8 beers, Al Davis, the Pro Bowl and the Houston Texans.

But nooooooo! These filthy-rich old-timers who can't get their memories out of the old days and their heads out of their asses are spending their time riding Splash Mountain at Disney World and playing a little game they like to call "let's take the fun out of Terrell Owens and Chad Johnson."

Yeah, I know, Owens is the one guy in sports we all love to hate. You know, besides Barry Bonds. And Johnson, the brash Cincinnati Bengal wide receiver, is nothing more than a loudmouth who loves the camera almost as much as that cheerleader he proposed to last year after scoring a touchdown on the Indianapolis Colts.

But hey, isn't this why we love to watch? If you can put aside TO's history of going all Samuel L. Jackson on his starting quarterbacks, the guy is pretty damn fun to watch, what with his pom-pom shaking, the Sharpie in a sock and the mocking of the star in Dallas (where he ironically will be playing next year).

And Chad! Chad, my man! Seriously, what is not to love about this dude? His knock-off Geico quotes, his Pepto Bismol deliveries and, of course, his ability to get a hot Bengals cheerleader to say "I do" — even though they hadn't even met.

You've also got plenty of sideshow acts to Owens and Johnson in the league, such as Joe Horn, Keyshawn Johnson and Steve Smith. Why, in just the last year, we had guys like Keenan McCardell and Hines Ward loosening it up after touchdowns with their respective celebrations.

Say it ain't so, all you owners of the 32 pro football franchises!

They just don't get it; that's the problem. Johnson, for example, isn't even mean-spirited in any of these antics. He sees his behavior as appropriate because "the NFL is a form of entertainment."

And you know what? Here's a secret: He's absolutely right.

Times have changed since the days where a common post-touchdown move was flipping the ball to the ref, as Jerry Rice and Emmitt Smith made a point of doing every time (and that's a lot of lost entertainment right there, between those two guys). And sure, players have been known to spike the ball, football's most famed celebratory act.

Let's just say that I can find a small amount of credit to award the owners, as they will allow spiking to remain in the game. Players will be allowed to spike, spin or dunk the ball over the uprights, and they also are permitted to dance by themselves in the end zone.

However, according to an ESPNews report, the owners put the kibosh on the following acts: celebrating on the ground, prolonging celebrations, using any props of any kind, including footballs, cell phones, pylons, towels, signs, cheerleaders (each of the last four, if you're keeping score, were provided by Johnson), or other teammates with the exception of the Lambeau Leap.

Hey, no rule against Pepto Bismol! We're back in business!

Except, we're not, all things considered. Johnson (of the Bengals, to be clear) looked forlorn in trying to look at the bright side of this new rule. Even after insisting that he'll do his best to find a way to have fun and entertain the fans, he did release an ultimatum about the state of the league in the wake of this new rule.

"There are people who really don't even watch this game that really tune in [except] to see some of the things that myself, TO and Steve Smith do. … You're going to lose that fan base," Johnson told ESPN. "That might not really matter to certain people, but they're going to lose certain people that are just not avid football fans that really enjoy the game just off the entertainment part."

Allow me to repeat: absolutely right.

Marty Schottenheimer (his name kind of rhymes with old-timer, which is exactly what he is) applauded the owners' decision, telling the Associated Press that "the game is about the team, not the individual."

Somewhat true, Marty. While the game is about the team more than it is about the individual, the game of football is, in the 21st century, really about selling tickets and TV commercials. And that means, in the case of wide receivers, showing off in ridiculous ways after scoring a touchdown.

So I'm grabbing my toothbrush, flying Frontier and heading right down to Orlando to give those blasted owners a piece of my mind.

Who's with me?

(And maybe afterward, a few rides on Splash Mountain.)

Aaron is a freshman majoring in journalism. If you want to join Aaron in kicking some serious owner tail, you can contact him at [email protected].