The Olympics officially drew to a close Sunday evening, but in the minds of many Americans, it never really even began. Most of this country slept through the 2006 Winter Games and U.S. interest in the event has plummeted to the point where embarrassments of humanity like American Idol are winning the ratings war against primetime Olympic programming.
Worldwide, the 2006 games in Turin had to be considered a success, but here in the good 'ol U.S. of A., the games were about as successful as a haircut given by Stevie Wonder.
It's really almost tragic that the Olympics have fallen so far off Americans' radar, given how much national pride it used to instill in America, even as recently as the 2002 Olympic Games, even if that was only because they were held on U.S. soil in Salt Lake City.
The Olympics need some spicing up. So here are some suggestions for bringing the 2010 Winter Games back into the collective conscious of the world's most powerful nation.
New talking heads: Not that I have anything against Bob Costas, Jim Lampley or Jim McKay, but it's time for some new commentary and hosting of the Olympic Games. The new lead broadcasters should be Kenny Blackenship and Vic Romano, of Spike TV's Most Extreme Elimination Challenge.
Blackenship and Romano are stars on the rise in the broadcasting industry. Like John Madden and Pat Summerall or Howard Cosell and 'Dandy' Don Meredith, the MXC hosts play off each other seamlessly and throw out brilliant one-liners with more frequency than Arnold Schwarzenegger. For example, Blackenship said once of a video game lover, "He is an atheist gamer. He doesn't believe in God mode." To which Romano, without pause replied, "Right you are, Ken!"
Sure, they have a tendency to become too racy for broadcast television, but with the entire games not being shown live, the problem should be easy enough to alleviate.
They are far more versatile than any current hosts, as they have experience not only working in the studio, but also covering a very wide variety of sports, ranging from Wallbangers (where contestants attempt to essentially run through reinforced wooden doors, apparently in hopes of suffering a concussion) to Sinkers and Floaters (where competitors race across a river on stones, some less stable than others). Blackenship and Romano would be able to cover almost every sport, especially since, again, most of the Olympic events these days are tape-delayed, leading to my next point.
Dead, or Live: Regardless of what time it is in the States, the games need to be shown live. But rather than have the Olympics shown at 3 a.m. EST, I propose that the Olympics are run on America's schedule. All medal finals will be run at 8 p.m. EST, no matter what the local time is. Why? Because people are going to buy tickets to the Olympics regardless of what time of day (or night) the events are being run, but Americans will not be tuning in during the wee-hours of the morning.
Another plus is that 2010 Games are being held in the Pacific Time zone in Vancouver, British Columbia. That will make facilitating the new rule very smooth, as the finals would simply be run in the early afternoon, like Chicago Cubs games.
Plus, this could spur an effort to implement the long anticipated world-wide American Time zone, where the entire nation would run on the clocks of New York and Washington, D.C.
More projectiles: Lastly, the Olympics need to take advantage of the draw that projectiles have on the Joe Sportsfan. Specifically, the Olympics need more projectiles that are within the grasp of spectators.
Whereas, baseball has homerun balls that reach fans in the bleachers and the NFL has everything from players (think Lambeau Leap) to gifts (from Chad Johnson) raining down on those in the crowd, the only major projectiles present this year in Turin were bullets from rifles in the Biathlon, and the granite stones used in Curling, neither of which were accessible to the fans (hockey doesn't count, as some Americans care even less about hockey than the Olympics as a whole, evidenced by the NHL).
So, more projectiles are needed, everything from figure skaters being launched into the crowd, to utilizing rifles in more events. There could be courtside curling seating and ski-jump skyboxes. Hell, you can even add an extra seat to bobsleds.
Why is it so important fans be able to capture a curling stone or snag a slug? One word: E-Bay. The value of otherwise worthless paraphernalia will skyrocket as fans sell anything they can get their hands on and Americans love random sport memorabilia. If Luis Gonzalez's chewing gum was collected and sold for big bucks, how much do you think a wayward Sasha Cohen would go for?
If it were me, I wouldn't sell her at all, just keep her for myself.
"Right you are, Dave!"
