Strapped once again for column ideas now that the Yankees aren’t engaged in anything other than trade rumors, which I won’t bore you with (until later), this column will ? for this week only ? take the form of those half-ass jobs in which 10 subjects are addressed at absolutely no length at all. I’ll even bold the names so you can skip around as you please. Here we go.
David Robinson’s Tuesday plane flight to Cincinnati made an emergency landing Tuesday at Texarkana, Ark., Regional Airport after the pilot reported smoke in the cockpit. You’d think the Admiral would have developed a distaste for the Portland Jailblazers after his 14-year tenure in the West. Apparently not. Rasheed Wallace and Bonzi Wells were discovered by airport workers under floor paneling, curled up with six cans of Pringles, a bag of pork rinds, and the “Old School” DVD.
Miami tight end Kellen Winslow, Jr. apologized for his post-game tirade following the ‘Canes 10-6 loss to Tennessee Saturday, in which he referred to himself as a “soldier” and Miami football games as a “war.” “As for my reference to being a soldier in a war,” Winslow said Sunday, “I meant no disrespect to the men and women who have served, or are currently serving, in the armed forces. I cannot begin to imagine the magnitude of war or its consequences.” He later added, “This does nothing, of course, to change my plans of engaging in tactical combat against Jeremy Shockey the first chance I get. That is may not be a war, but it is definitely a f-cking extended skirmish.” He then struck the Heisman pose.
Talk about combined talents: new Badger hoopster Kammron Taylor owns the name of a rapper and the combined looks of funnyman Chris Rock and greatest Badger baller in history, the FinDawg, Michael Finley. With Howard Stern seemingly on the decline, might our boy Kam be the new king of all media? Certainly feasible, but let’s not pressure the kid just yet (maybe once Big Ten season ? and big-time TV coverage ? starts), even though the media guide says his favorite TV show is “Making the Band II.” For now, I’ll settle for a consistent long-range jumper, which he has displayed so far in preseason (4-6 from downtown against EA Sports).
Best new NBA jersey award? Easy answer: the Denver Nuggets’ powder blues, even though they make Nene look more like his name should be Nina. Sleeper pick: the Phoenix Suns’ orange and greys, which, ironically, Carmelo would look more at home in than anyone I can think of. Don’t know about the ‘PHX’ brandished across the front, though. Have cable television and the Internet really shortened our nation’s attention spans so much that we can’t read anything longer than an airport code?
Worst new jersey? Easily the Mavericks’ faithful take-off on the classic Glad trash bag. You thought Antoine Walker was garbage in Boston? Close second: the Orlando Magic’s full-shouldered, block-lettered aqua-and-whites. Never thought I’d miss those cheezoid screen-printed stars.
News flash: NHL hockey started. A month ago, apparently. Every game is currently in triple-overtime.
Former NFL quarterback Jim McMahon was charged with drunken driving Sunday after police said his car was swerving across the centerline of a highway before he was pulled over. According to Santa Rosa County sheriff’s spokesman Jerry Henderson, “he was pretty well wasted,” and noted that “we only needed one look at his eyes to tell.” McMahon was also fined $1,500 for sporting a headband from 1985.
Finally, the much-awaited Yankees news: George Steinbrenner is planning on signing or trading for every starting pitcher with at least 10 wins in any of the last five years. Except Jeff Weaver. His hanging is scheduled for high noon, November 21.
