Wisconsin athletics are in moral decay.

Let’s start with the UW campus. On Saturday, while the better Big Ten teams were busy pummeling their first-week opponents, the Badgers came dangerously close to squandering a 22-point lead to Northern Illinois. The next day featured the revelation that two freshmen basketball players were arrested outside of Sellery Hall for stealing $400 of cash, iPods and various other goodies from their peers’ dorm rooms, perhaps demonstrating our need for a more aggressive booster club, which would make sure our young athletes have the latest technological gadgets to keep them distracted during free time (classes, tutoring sessions, etc.).

Outside of Madison, the picture is less depressing. Although the Packers are coming off an utterly mediocre season, there is much hope this will be the year when Aaron Rodgers converts his raw talent into victories. Perhaps more importantly, the Pack’s competition in Minnesota was so desperate for a quarterback that they chose some guy from a Wrangler’s commercial to lead the Vikings, without a doubt hoping that his rugged good looks would be enough to overcome his crumbling, old bones.

However, I believe the best hope for Wisconsin sports culture rests in Milwaukee, where the Brewers, who will likely finish the season below .500, are a couple starting pitchers away from being a serious baseball team. Everybody loves the Crew. Prince Fielder is great and yet delightfully imperfect — the opposite of Brett Favre. Both the names of Miller Park and the mascot, Bernie the Brewer, celebrate the product that made Milwaukee famous — and can also make baseball a lot more fun to watch.

But here’s the problem. Beer costs too much at Miller Park. People would like to drink beer before the games. But how does a fan from Madison accomplish both feats and get back home without contributing to the already shameful Wisconsin tradition of drunken driving?

The answer, my friends, is called a train. From Madison to Milwaukee. From Milwaukee to Madison.

Luckily, Gov. Jim Doyle, before he fades away into oblivion next year, is championing this noble cause, which has been practically laid to rest in this state for more than half a century, ever since President Eisenhower oversaw the construction of the interstate highway system. That was back when the term “global warming” only referred to the result of a Soviet nuclear attack and drinking was the best way to enjoy the new highways.

Eight billion dollars of the federal stimulus bill passed last spring was designated for a high-speed rail. States and municipalities will have to compete for this funding, and so far, Doyle has done the right thing by putting Wisconsin ahead of competitors with the purchase of two passenger trains from a Spanish train company. The trains themselves cost nearly $48 million, but the investment, if it comes to fruition, will be invaluable for generations of Wisconsinites.

The line would connect Madison to Milwaukee, Chicago and the Twin Cities, making travel throughout the Upper Midwest considerably easier and more desirable for millions. It would be the spark needed to ignite a move toward mass transit throughout the state and region for environmental and economic purposes. Cities like Milwaukee, which have been dismissed by many as symbols of Western urban decay, could be reinvigorated by the ease with which tourists could get a train into the city and eat, drink and go back home. Maybe even stay a night or two.

Doyle’s method of buying the trains may have been a little dubious. Although his office claims the Spanish company that will make the trains, Talgo, was the only party that made a realistic offer, the governor very likely exploited a law written by his predecessor, Gov. Tommy Thompson, which allows railroad deals to forgo the normal competitive bidding process. Oh well.

If there’s ever a time when I’m happy that Tommy Thompson was a raging hypocrite, it’s now. I just wish his friends in the GOP would shut up about costs and let us start building some trains.

I’ve got a Brewers game to go to.

Jack Craver ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in history. He is also the editor of a local politics and culture blog, The Sconz (thesconz.com).