Welcome, new students! In keeping with a long line of generic introductory columns from the editors of the opinion page, we are writing this, another generic introductory column.
It didn’t begin like this. We sincerely struggled to appeal to your sense of idealistic, untainted activism using our sense of original, creative literary swagger. We strove to create a masterpiece that would demonstrate the undeniable superiority of this paper, and in particular, the opinion section.
That did not happen. Instead, we became painfully aware of how difficult it is to convey anything of genuine significance in a brief introductory column that is traditionally supposed to be vaguely “inspirational.”
So instead of attempting to vainly strive to bring you something better, we thought we should just go ahead and make our sales pitch to all those young perspective opinion writers out there with a desire make next to serve up a fresh batch of change — whatever the hell that means — to the campus.
First, you can swear in your columns. Watch this — fuck. That’s pretty generous, isn’t it? And you don’t even have to stop there. As an opinion writer, you will learn the wide variety of individuals you can needlessly offend is endless. Your unique perspective on any number of topics, from Iraq to Madison’s own homegrown population of prostitutes, will be guaranteed to draw the ire of self-respecting people everywhere on a regular basis.
Second, no opinion writer has ever been rejected by a member of the opposite sex. Such a track record may be due to the fact that no opinion writer has ever tried, but technicalities are irrelevant.
So, if you have a hankering to stir the intellectual pot and a firm conviction that making vague allusions to your status as “a writer” will take your love life beyond the digital walls of a chat room, opinion is the place for you! An interest meeting for perspective writers is taking place at 5 p.m. Wednesday, Sept. 10 at the Herald offices.
Sam Clegg and Jack Craver
Editorial Page Editors