For those of you who loathe dorm food — most likely there is no shortage of you — the Associated Students of Madison seem to have some promising news. On Sept. 26, ASM announced their plans to open a grocery store on campus.

ASM hopes to open a store that would make food more inexpensive, healthier and easier to access. The store would be run by ASM, would be non-profit, could be built in Union South and may be funded by student-segregated fees.

Along with the fact that an on-campus grocery store is utterly useless, the aforementioned elements ensure imminent failure.

One reason ASM believes this store is necessary is the lack of other grocery possibilities. The failure of other non-profit stores in the area, and the general absence of grocery stores, should represent what a terrible market the campus area represents. Co-ops like the Mifflin Street Co-op have not succeeded, despite the fact that Madison appears to be an ideal location for such stores.

In addition, there are few traditional grocery stores in the area, suggesting that no matter what the philosophy may be, there is no way to sustain such businesses. It's unlikely ASM possesses any business savvy the owners of failed grocery stores lacked, given ASM's astoundingly poor management skills for even the most fundamental activities, such as elections.

Even if such a grocery store could sustain itself in Union South, it seems dubious that it would be a better choice than the alternatives. Both Capitol Centre Foods and Trader Joe’s were recognized by ASM, yet were claimed to be insufficient.

A simple Google map search shows the new location is the exact same distance from the Southeast dorms as Capitol Centre Foods. However, it should hardly matter as ASM has already made a bus pass available to every UW student, so the distance should not even be an issue.

Students may have a tougher time with the new store, as there is no mention of the delivery service that other stores like Capitol Centre Foods provide. Yet if this convenience were made possible, it would undoubtedly drive up prices.

As reported in The Badger Herald, ASM shared governance chair Jeff Wright says Capitol Centre Foods and Trader Joe’s "hardly are on par with larger grocery stores in terms of price." Indeed, Capitol Centre Foods may charge extra for its convenience, but apparently, Mr. Wright has never stepped foot inside of Trader Joe’s.

With their ASM-issued bus passes, students can buy cheap, healthy and often trendy foods. Trader Joe’s is the exact sort of store ASM claims we need, a discount health foods store, yet they seem ignorant to that fact it is already in existence.

Beyond all the issues on the business side, there are consumers to be considered. It seems doubtful that students will shop at this store, and if they do, it will be for the same sorts of items they can get at Walgreens.

Given all of this, it seems the only need for a grocery store is for those students who do not want to pay extra at local stores, do not want to use the bus for their grocery shopping or simply have not found out about the previous two options. I, for one, do not wish to pay for these students’ conveniences, and I certainly do not want to pay for another failed non-profit grocery store. Even if we do not have to pay for it at all, it is clear that students neither want nor need this store at all.

John Schwendel ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in economics.