Note to Jack Abramoff:

"When acting as a lobbyist for Native American tribes, be sure to complete the job you are being paid for. If this option seems too unsavory, try doing something — anything at all would be fine, really.

P.S. If work is not completed, avoid stealing $32 million.

Oh, yeah, you might want to get rid of those e-mails calling your tribal clients monkeys and troglodytes — and those other e-mails you sent to your buddy Mike Scanlon, like when you wrote: 'I'd love us to get our mitts on that moolah!!'

Just a bit obvious. Dump the hard drive."

If only the convicted GOP lobbyist could slip this note through a schism in the space-time continuum. Maybe Mr. Abramoff's past self would get the note sometime between faking a wire transfer to buy a fleet of gambling boats and dipping into the coffers of his fake charitable group. Unfortunately, it seems as if his top donee, Sen. Conrad Burns, R-Mont., would use said intergalactic schism to stop Abramoff's parents from conceiving, telling KAJ television station in Montana, "I wish he'd never been born, to be right honest with you."

I know what you are thinking, and I agree wholeheartedly. What a patriot.

Representatives from Montana to Texas have been donating money that federal prosecutors now allege was funneled through Native American tribes and fake charities to buy Abramoff clients favorable legislation.

These representatives of the people are standing tall, proclaiming from the highest mountaintop that United States Congress is not for sale! (Well, not right now, anyway. Just wait for this whole lobbyist thing to blow over. I bet a few still have reservations down for golf. Scotland in March, baby. Love it!)

Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan has donated the $949 he received from Mr. Abramoff to charity. However, both Ryan and Rep. Mark Green continue to fumble around with the $55,000 they have collectively received from Abramoff-linked, recently indicted, disgraced former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, R-Texas. They claim they can't legally rid themselves of the cash, a claim that has a few conflicts with the truth. But who knows where that money came from, anyway?

Let's be realistic. How were any of the public servants involved in this scandal to know the few thousand dollars they received from a big-time lobbyist or party leader had been channeled through a vast money-laundering operation? Jack Abramoff is the one who committed crimes, pleading guilty to conspiracy, tax evasion and mail fraud. He's the one who tricked our faithful representatives into thinking the lavish free meals, Scottish golf rounds, Super Bowl tickets and tens of thousands of dollars to a spouse's … charity were legit.

It is defenses like these that should make us ponder the nature of our government. To the average representative, it must seem all too unassuming. At what point does one associate these perks with an issue or ideology? If the only way to keep a job is to make a small compromise here or there, better Rep. Green than someone who doesn't care about heating assistance for the poor, right? Take these small compromises by one member and multiply them by the number of lobbyists offering much-needed cash to support a fledging campaign, party leaders tightening the screws to promote a legislative agenda and staffers wowed by the perks of political homogeneity. Now ask how many votes Congress could possibly conduct in which a determining portion of legislators isn't swayed by external pressure?

Most lawmakers probably see themselves as victims of the opulent system in which they are forced to operate. Each individually is aware of his or her unique ability to act as an agent of change, yet is acutely afraid of angering the collective by asking who it is they truly serve. As long as the influential keep writing checks to suppress the question and the policy-makers keep cashing them, they will never get that answer. I suspect they prefer it that way.

Voters do not. When Messrs. Green and Ryan claim they can't be held responsible for Mr. DeLay's schemes, they are right. But aren't they accountable as willing participants in this system? The average citizen doesn't have enough cash to gain the undivided attention of Messrs. Green or Ryan. But he or she does have a vote and a promise from his or her elected officials that the interests of a district will come first.

Meanwhile, Paul Ryan has donated $1,000 to Tom DeLay's defense fund. I'm sure voters in Wisconsin's 1st Congressional District are heartened to know Texas' 22nd District is regularly on Mr. Ryan's mind.

Bassey Etim ([email protected]) is a junior majoring in journalism and political science.