Lakeshore and Southeast residents flocked to Bascom Hill Wednesday night to compete for glory and bragging rights in this year’s annual Battle for Bascom Hill.
Hundreds of students from each housing neighborhood stood on opposing sides, with one seemingly neutral individual standing atop a snow mound positioned in the middle of no-man’s land. He shouted remarks about Lakeshore’s recent undefeated record and pondered Southeast’s potential to upset the matchup.
“Is tonight the night?” he asked in a “Gladiator” fashion, provoking uproar from both sides. “On the count of three, we fight!”
At exactly 8 p.m. Southeast and Lakeshore sprinted full-force towards the center of the Hill, clashing like the forces of Aslan and the White Witch in the fight scene from everyone’s favorite war film, “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.”
Chaos ensued in a fury of snowballs. Some students relied on brute strength to catapult projectiles through the air, while others equipped themselves with lunch trays, which Southeast freshman Andrew Schaefer, sporting a camouflage hat, referred to as “multipurpose weapons.”
“I heard there was a war going on, and I just wanted to help win,” Schaefer said. “Lakeshore doesn’t have what it takes.”
Friendly fire mingled with enemy fire, a Soviet Russia flag waved amid the crowd and a Southeast soldier on a snow tube played human bowling. Tunnel Bob, a beacon of light in the midst of pandemonium, waltzed by Bascom Hall — silhouetted by streetlight iridescence — glancing down upon Lakeshore’s growing domination.
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After the first ten minutes, Southeast receded almost completely, occupying only a quarter of the hill. With a few final charges, Lakeshore pushed their enemy counterpart completely off Bascom.
Nevertheless, Southeast persisted.
Lakeshore freshman Trevor Sistler stumbled away from the fight, having been just nailed in the head by a snowball, causing him to trip over a drainage pipe and eat shit.
“Hit the people in the back,” Sistler said. “I just kept pushing back, and before you knew it, we won.”
An “eat shit/fuck you” chant broke out once Southeast retreated to the other side of the sidewalk, solidifying Lakeshore’s victory. Once again — in distance from campus happenings — residents of the opposing neighborhoods not only came to play, but came to win.