Jemma Nelson
The last month before finals — the longest sprint of your life. Spring break is over, and now it’s just one long, painful countdown to finals. The problem? That countdown feels like an eternity. It’s the academic version of running a marathon, except you spend the first half of the race relaxing on a beach or at home and now you have to sprint to the finish line.
Motivation is at an all time low, professors are cranking up the workload and the only thing sort of keeping you going is the distant promise of summer.
But don’t worry! There are some ways to survive. From delusional confidence to caffeine-fueled cramming, here’s a breakdown of how to make this last stretch slightly less miserable and a little more humorous.
The delusional confidence phase:
It’s amazing how a new month can somehow make you feel like you’re starting with a clean slate. Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that this is the semester where everything finally clicks. You’ve got a fresh new planner, a water bottle that’s still clean (for now) and an overwhelming belief that you can totally get your work done in 24 hours without sleep. It’s cute. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there. Embrace it while it lasts, because reality is about to hit harder than that caffeine kick you’ll be chasing in 3 … 2 … 1.
The caffeine cycle:
Speaking of caffeine, let’s talk about it! You start out with a casual cup of coffee from Peet’s in the morning. Then, maybe an iced coffee from Starbucks in the afternoon. Before long, you’re downing Red Bulls like it’s a sport, wondering when you became a walking chemistry experiment. Sure, your heart’s racing and your hands are shaking, but at least you’re technically working, right? It’s okay, because it’s all part of the survival plan. Just remember, too much caffeine can lead to one of two things: either you’ll finish your assignments at lightning speed or you’ll break down into a crying fit over a single typo. Pick your poison.
The procrastination olympics:
You’re sitting at your desk, facing a mountain of assignments, and you’re thinking: This is fine. I’ll get to it in 10 minutes. Next thing you know, you’ve reorganized your entire room, watched an entire season of New Girl and googled “how to not procrastinate for real” (spoiler — it did not help). The key here is to lean into it. Yes, you’re procrastinating, but it’s a form of productivity! Maybe not the most useful one, but it’s technically still doing something, right?
The sudden urge to change your entire life:
Somewhere in the middle of this academic nightmare, you’ll get hit with an overwhelming urge to completely reinvent yourself. Maybe you decide this is the perfect time to start going to the gym, deep clean your apartment or learn a new language. Who cares about that essay due in six hours when you could be reorganizing your closet by color? It’s all part of the mental breakdown disguised as “self-improvement.” Just remember, finals first, new personality later.
The “I’m so ready for summer” mentality:
At this point, you’re basically a mirage of a functioning student. Your brain has checked out, your Google searches are exclusively about cheap flights and summer concerts and the only math you’re doing is calculating how many assignments you can fail and still pass your class. Professors keep assigning work like it’s not already mentally June, and honestly, it’s rude. The trick? Keep pretending you care while aggressively online shopping for summer clothes you won’t even wear because you’ll be too exhausted to leave your bed.