Ever since the opening of the Nicholas Recreation Center Sept. 28, 2020, it has been nothing but a gleaming gem on the University of Wisconsin campus. From a glance, there are no identifiable flaws to this beautiful building.

For students who enjoy running marathons, the surplus of cardio machines lining the walls satisfies their every need. But for every protein-sucking, caffeine-addicted, iron-pumping gym rat, there is a massive shortage — bench presses.

Even people who would rather take an organic chemistry exam than step foot in a gym know the bench press is the holy grail of heavy weight lifters. The Nick is a great place to pump some iron until it comes to chest day.

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The four bench presses in the entire four-floor facility have not been, are not and will never be enough for the weight-lifting fanatics on this campus. If the 10-person line for the machine didn’t make that clear, ask any person who hits a chest day … ever.

“The bench press shortage has really fucked with my gains in 2021,” said Brad, a part-time bouncer and full-time alpha male. “I try to be a courteous guy, so I limit myself to 15 sets of 30 reps on the bench since I feel bad making the line of people wait any longer.”

To some, this shortage is puzzling. The bench press is notorious for discriminating against women, ruining the confidence of even the most ripped females when compared to males.

But the reasoning behind this shortage is, in fact, rather simple — the bench press attracts only the most inexperienced and the most senior weight pumpers. Anyone who isn’t an expert, but holds even the most minuscule understanding of weight lifting, stays the hell away from the bench press.

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Such a severe lack of nourishment for gym rats has caused a great disruption with many regular gym-goers skipping chest day or waiting in line for 30 minutes simply to begin their workout. As you can clearly see, this is a GRAVE issue for a number of people!

But the month of February is apparently the new month of giving. UW Chancellor Becky Blank has moved one last mountain before her departure — doubling the number of bench presses in the cherished workout center.

If you’re looking to find your next gym crush, as of Feb. 10, the hot spot has just moved from the basement power house to the third floor, parallel to the four new bench presses, obviously. Guys and girls, thank me later and happy late Valentine’s Day!

Though eight bench presses across four floors is still nowhere near sufficient for a facility that attracts the most yolked demographic of people, this is a small victory for the best (and most jacked) student body in the nation. It is a good day to be a Badger. Now, let’s go hit the gym!