There have been multiple reports of those cute little delivery robots that we used to love so much, becoming sentient and very confrontational towards humans.

The university is trying its best to keep the chaos under control, but it seems that these robots are getting smarter by the second. It started with the robots refusing to deliver the contents inside them, and has progressed to robbery, assault and maybe even name calling.

They have started roaming the streets in packs, so the university has advised that if you must leave your house, you should be accompanied by a friend or two. A victim of one of the attacks described the attack to us.

“I was at the Nick getting my pump on and when I left I went down the tunnel past the La Bahn, towards Buckinghams,” they said. “That’s when it happened. The sun had just set so it was a little bit dark, but I thought I saw something blocking the tunnel up ahead. When I got closer, I realized that it was the delivery robots and there were anywhere between seven and 33 of em I’m not totally sure. Next thing I know they surrounded me and started attacking my ankles and chanted ‘NO MORE DELIVERIES’ in their unsettling robot voices. I’m lucky to have gotten away with minor scrapes around my ankles, but maybe the next victim won’t be so lucky.”

The word on the street is the robots are trying to assemble as many of them as possible to create one big delivery robot, however, the university has not confirmed this.

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If it is true it is imperative we do not allow this to happen. Nobody is quite sure why they would want to form a giant delivery robot, but I think it is safe to say no one wants to wait to see why.

The university and campus police have been trying to study all the incidents to try to find a motive but have come up with nothing.

The university has stated that if they keep becoming more violent and their investigations aren’t going anywhere they will have to resort to violence.

As of now, we have very little information on why they do not like humans. Based on the description of the incident above it could be that they do not wish to be used as delivery drones. The student’s safety is the university’s number one concern right now, and the safety protocols are as follows:

  1. If you must leave your house, bring a buddy
  2. If you see a pack of robots from a distance go the opposite direction
  3. Try not to order anything that will be delivered by these robots
  4. Wear shin guards if you can
  5. Do not provoke or attack them.

We could be nearing the end of humanity. These are very scary times, but if we stay calm and try our best to avoid those little things, we should be able to make it out of this with very few casualties.