It’s what we all dreamed of for months… but this sucks.

The time has come. We’ve all heard it, “I am NEVER saying no to another party again. I will be the first one there, and the last to leave.”

The voice of the post pandemic motivation that was at an all time high when we were sitting in our four-day old pajama bottoms and business attire top combo, staring at our screen for hours a day, accidentally unmuting yourself at uh, ~inconvenient~ times. But reality check — In person classes are back and better than ever, with our masks, social distancing and hand sanitizer awkwardly being passed around the lecture hall.

But here’s the ugly truth — 9:30 lecture now means a true, brutal, actual eight a.m. wake up. No more rolling out of bed with mere minutes to spare. Coffee needs to be pre brewed, breakfast fully eaten before class, shoes tied and backpack packed.

Even waking up at 8:30 is pushing it. Students from Mifflin to Lakeshore are being reminded of the solemn and brutal reality of time management.

Things we now have to budget time for that every student totally forgot about amidst online learning:

  1. The elevator that stops at EVERY floor, even if no one is waiting for it.
  2. Saying hi to people in the street, then engaging in obligatory small talk. “Omg but where are YOU living this year!? No way! The James?”
  3. Crossing the street to avoid last Thursday’s drunken hookup. 
  4. Getting your acting skills on to pretend you for sure remember where your lecture is — this not your first semester here (but internally you have to hide the panic of not remember where to go after three semesters away)
  5. Having to cross the street back again because that’s actually the building you need to get into.
  6. More elevator lines.
  7. Or, if you’re especially unlucky, stairs. At least four flights (wtf).
  8. Time between walking up the stairs and entering your class, because you don’t want people to hear how loudly you’re panting under your mask from just walking up those four flights.
  9. Assessing where you are going to sit in your lecture hall. Not next to that guy, he’ll think you’re in love with him. Not too far back, you need to see but can’t wear your glasses without having them fog up from your mask. But not too close to the front, where you can make direct eye contact with the professor while they wait for people to answer their questions. 

This is the 30-minute charade we had all completely forgotten about as we bitched and moaned about the effort it took to roll out of bed to log into zoom 12 seconds before the start of class.

Now I have to actually put on pants. And keep them on all day. It’s TERRIBLE.

Not to mention, I have to kiss my mid-lecture snack breaks goodbye — pray for me as I attempt to make it through my afternoon power lecture with out a single goldfish cracker.

The trials and tribulations of in person learning are now flooding back to each student. For as isolating, depressing and mentally straining spending hours on your computer for online school was, at least we could do it without having to put (and keep) a bra on.

So welcome back everyone — I hope your sleep schedule is in better shape than mine is. As long as we all get on the same page that our back-to-school outfits are going to be a little subpar this year, I think we can make it through.