At the end of the beginning of a long week, you can find me cuddled up in my peejers (also known as my regular clothes), drinking a bottle — I mean glass — of Riley’s finest $3 red blend, typing vigorously into my notes app and striking comedic gold for the seventh time that day.

Being the Banter Editeur (sp?) [haha kidding] ain’t easy, folks. It’s funny idea after funny idea after terrible listicle after garbage fire shit posts, and it’s honestly exhausting!!! SO, I keep about seven unfinished articles in Google Docs at all time, along with this wittle wist of iconic headlines in case I need to pitch on the fly.

These were sad, little duds that either I had no motivation to write myself or my writers couldn’t muster up the courage to break societal expectations and create a damn hoot and effing holler!

Burned out student feels replenished after 48-hour spring breakBurned-out student Josh Wilson thanks the University of Wisconsin for their generous 48-hour spring break this year that allowed him Read…

Without further ado, I’ll provide you a little looksies into my brain, my notes app and my deepest, fattest secrets.

  • “I wish I was you:” An ode to your high school peers who are now engaged
  • Google ads algorithm finds you’re “depressed” and “obsessed with TikTok”
  • SAD is ending … why do I still feel sad?
  • It’s true! I found love through the Safer Badgers app bluetooth notification settings!
  • Thank God! Study finds 2021 significantly better than 2020
    • Subhead: Just as imagined, the pandemic, political tensions and your crippling loneliness have seriously toned down this year
  • LinkedIndie: Living in a world post-Plaza
    • Editor’s note: I really actually wanted to write this one, but I’m lazyyy #rip #longislands
  • Finding friends freshmen year: It’s possible!
    • Subhead: Talking to Der Rathskeller employees or visiting your TA’s office hours are a great place to start!
  • A year in COVID reflection: Coming to terms with the fact you have nothing to prove after the pandemic
    • Editor’s note: Started this, had no content, sadly based off true events
  • Student journalist realizes no one reads articles, should create catchier titles
    • Editor’s note: Also based off true events
  • Accept it: Journalism majors are just soft-core theatre kids
    • Editor’s note: Not even that funny, just true
  • In defense of the Oxford comma: Why journalism majors are classless and stupid
    • Editor’s note: See above note
  • Girl who says healing frequencies fix everything tells you to “chill out”
    • Editor’s note: It’s me, I’m Girl
  • People stopped swiping up on my Snapchat stories, so I started writing for Banter
    • Editor’s note: Fuck, it’s me, I’m I
  • Regret not buying that Ronald Reagan plate at Goodwill? Blame it on capitalism!

Trader Joe’s customer discovers relationship with employee was company policyRecently I found myself in such an entanglement that I’m honestly surprised John Hughes hasn’t called my personal number yet. Read…

So … ya … these were the good ones. I begged my writers to pitch their own junk.

Next up? Someone who is way funnier than me and also should write for banter more but has “serious” “stuff” to do. Boy oh boy do I wish I could venture into HER notes app … KT HAR-D!!!::::::

  • Fuck, marry, kill: Congress edition 
  • Girlfriend whose boyfriend tells her ‘Fair enough’ on regular basis reaches breaking point
    • Subhead: ‘Every time he says it I lose a year of my life’ girlfriend says
  • Point Counter Point: Toes
    • Subhead: Point: Good, footsy is timeless and invaluable flirting method, counter point: Gross, stop it
  • Performative equity task force gets nothing done, everyone super surprised
    • Subhead: Weirdly optimistic yt people have become jaded
  • Investigative piece: To what extent did Twitter kill Prince Phillip
    • Subhead: It’s not immoral to think about if you don’t think about it that way 😉
  • Game show alert: Vase or No Vase
    • Subhead: Super fun household game where you pick things out at home and decide if they could be a vase or not
  • List of potential band names, 2020-21 school year
    • Subhead: Honorable mentions: Moon Sexism, Politicians in Short-Sleeved Shirts, Lil’ Benign Tumor, Midwest Emo
  • The Girls Will Do It: A list of things Katie Hardie wants to do with her friends this year
    • Subhead: The thing is they might not but they definitely could
  • Girl who keeps trying to recreate obscure band posters from the eighties stops trying to
  • An Ode to Steve Kornacki: Tap me like you tap the big board

Alrightyyyy, that’s a wrap! If you liked this, keep an eye out for my next article, “SNL Sketch Ideaz” or “Funny Roommate Quotes.”