So, you forgot about Halloween.

I can’t blame you – the COVID time warp has made October fly by at neck-breaking speed. Not to mention, all that people really care about right now is how two 70-year-old men are about to “malarkey” their way into the Oval Office, the place where our “fearless leader” has DEFINITELY watched porn – let that sink in. 

Even though many UW students have been caught up in the horrible state of the world, I think it’s still very important to let loose and have fun this Hallows Eve.

C’mon everyone, even with the pandemic, you’ll need a costume for Halloween. I mean, think about all of the things that you need one for. How else are you going to play off the fact that your friends already made a group costume plan without you. Ya, that’s really all I can think of. 

COVID has made this year really dry I guess … but regardless, here are some great ideas for a last-minute Halloween costume.

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Costume Idea 1: Yourself

Just kidding. No one likes that guy. Go home if you’re going to be like that.

Costume Idea 2: Frat boy/Sorority girl

Folks, let’s be honest. Nothing is scarier during this pandemic than a member of campus Greek life. Infected, contagious and obnoxious, this costume will spook everyone at your safe Halloween get together this year. (And if you host an UNSAFE get-together, then you’ll fit right in. SMH.)

It’s simple. All you need in a VERY tight, plain t-shirt and your choice of athletic pants (remember when you lied to yourself and bought shorts for running? Now you can actually use them!). The sorority costume is just as simple – a light color dress and some blonde hairspray. 

Costume Idea 3: Vikings Fan

Have you been feeling down lately? Has the stress and loneliness from distanced learning gotten to you? Well, I have good news for you! You can take your depression and turn it into your Halloween costume if you dress as a fan of the Minnesota Vikings! 

Currently sitting at 1-5 (and with the WORST salary cap situations in the league), the Minnesota Vikings are going to be awful for YEARS, and their fanbase knows it. Something as simple as a purple shirt will do – your general demeanor is the important part of this costume.

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Costume Idea 4: Steve Buscemi

Steve Buscemi is the ever-brilliant, unmatched performer behind “Airheads,” “Big Daddy” and “The Wedding Singer.” This costume is very simple. Many of us have already gotten the biggest part of this costume down. The eyes.

Over the past week, most UW students have been staying up very late to desperately study for their midterms. The results are baggy, red, and overall lifeless eyes that are absolutely imperative to nailing a Mr. Bucsemi costume. After that, maybe throw in a snaggle tooth, and you can pretty much wear whatever the duck you want.

Boom! See? Easy! Any of these choices will be knockout hits at any COVID-safe gathering you attend. And if you attend a risky gathering – well, I can’t imagine your GPA is high enough for you to stay in this school for much longer. Have fun everyone, and stay safe!