It’s November, which means many University of Wisconsin students are now actively drinking to stay warm. The warmth of alcohol may be useful in attempts to feel as though one is not on the North Pole when the temperature drops considerably, but too much alcohol leads to many undesirable consequences.
Poor decision making is one short term issue associated with intoxication that bears significant importance.

It often takes quite a bit of time to sober up after a period of intoxication, meaning there are many decisions made under the influence. Some of these, like choosing to belt a Madonna number at a karaoke event, have only mild negative consequences, but greater problems persist.

Here is a comprehensive guide to maximizing your good decisions while intoxicated.

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Leave your cell phone out of sight

The cell phone is a marvelous technological tool, allowing users to explore ear wax removal videos and send pictures of themselves vomiting rainbows to twenty of their closest friends.

While carrying a cell phone may seem like a necessity when intoxicated, its presence can often do more harm than good. Leaving your phone at home or on “do not disturb” minimizes moments to engage in “drunk texting” or relatively incoherent bites of information sent to people who typically are not on your texting list. In the case of an emergency, those around you will likely still have their device up and running, leaving safety assured as long as you are not alone.

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Budget for drunk purchases

Carrying around your wallet when intoxicated is practically required — showing ID is necessary to purchase alcoholic beverages and money is as well unless you are specifically trying to only mooch drinks off of others, which in and of itself is good economic practice.

With your wallet in your pocket, a whole world of purchasing opportunities opens itself up to an intoxicated self. Common culprits like Paul’s Pel’meni and Taco Bell routinely show up on credit card statements following periods of intoxication. The fact is, while eating food does not in effect change the amount of alcohol consumed in one’s system, layers of food provided an extra lining in one’s stomach which slows the absorption of alcohol. This slower absorption provides an intoxicated soul with a lessened rush of alcohol to the brain, making sound decision-making that much more within reach.

By including space for these food runs in your drunk budget beforehand, there’s no need to feel bad or conflicted about grabbing that taco six pack to pad your stomach.

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Similarly, factoring in money for Lyfts eliminates any conflicting feelings about calling a ride home. This decision eliminates opportunities for shady intoxicated walking or trying to find someone else to take oneself own, and better yet protects against choosing to drive intoxicated.

Setting this budget in stone also discourages additional drunk purchases, like entire outfits at Pitaya. But if one does in fact choose to go shopping while intoxicated, always limit your purchases to the clearance rack. Being less inhibited while shopping often creates innovative outfit choices you might not be inclined to try on while sober, but actually work really well.

Get your work done prior to intoxication

Too often, one prioritizes drinking — particularly socialized drinking — over making sure all of their projects are completed. This will lead the work to be subpar in quality and demand reworking, further consuming one’s time.

By remembering to complete your work prior to drinking, your schedule stays intact, your work stays consistent in quality and you still get to have fun. It’s truly the best of both worlds.

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Keep a nap-ready area within reach

Occasionally, the spots where one chooses to become and stay intoxicated are far away from the owner’s nice, cozy bed. This is problematic as one can easily become big sleep if under the influence and wish to fall asleep immediately. Sleeping on the side of a road is never advised, nor are stranger’s beds and futons ideal.

Know a friend in the area who will let you crash if needed to escape these potentially dangerous situations. With the extra support, your cozy nap will allow critical recovery periods to occur and encourage safe decision making throughout the day.

Keep count

AlcoholEDU provides UW students with a solid background in determining the proper amount of alcohol in each unit. Therefore, one should always keep those cheesy visuals in mind and remember to keep count of their units as they go about their drunk adventures. If one knows they are many, many units into their escapade, there is signifiant intrinsic motivation to cease drinking more to the point of no return. Keeping count can involve using a sharpie to mark each unit on your hand, or the use of a really good mental calculator.

With these tips in mind, stay safe and be warm this cold, cold season.