If you are reading this piece online, please skip down to the third graph, it won’t apply to you. Sorry readers! Banter is a mess — as it always is.

OK print readers, here we are in the second graph (yes, I am also a student who isn’t majoring in journalism and has no clue why these are called graphs instead of paragraphs, I am sad to see “para-” go). As seen earlier in the issue, I had the chance to view a beautiful gallery of artwork early in the day this past Saturday. I spent that evening in a similarly beautiful way.

I attended Monster Truck Nationals and survived to tell the tale.

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Now some might say, “Hold on, there were monster trucks in Madison and no one told me?” Yes, I am sorry some missed the boat. Held at the Alliant Energy Center, the event is just far enough away to make students think it is in Narnia and would only approach the arena using an Uber or Lyft. To think that only twenty short years ago, this arena served as the hockey team’s home ground. It is practically Narnia compared to the La Bahn Arena. To think, if I had saved the money from my two Lyft rides to get to and from the site, I could have gotten three whole hot dogs and a cheese cup!

So anyway, I took some buds down on to Narnia to see these promised monster trucks. Our first chauffeur, Nick, was curious about what strange event was occurring at the arena. My roommate, Kelli, had but one answer.

“Monster trucks, Angela don’t you dare give context,” Kelli said.

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In an unusual spurt of silence, I did exactly what Kelli said. Nick was intrigued but ultimately declined an offer to join us at the event.

As indicated on our tickets, a “Pit Party” kicked off the evening. Since everyone in our group was new to the monster truck game, none of us knew what that entailed.

When “Sweet Home Alabama” played as a bus-like monster truck filled with lay participants banked a corner in the dirt-filled arena, we knew this was an extravaganza we were not prepared for. Merchandise booths stood filled with t-shirts and hats depicting one of the star trucks of the event, Tail Gator. Our entourage was lucky enough to encounter this truck and its driver during the Pit Party, yet my journalistic obligations were fragile in such emotional times and I regretfully forgot to ask for his name. Mr. Tail Gator driver, I am indeed sorry.

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The next portion of our Pit Party fun times consisted of sampling the new Mountain Dew Fuel beverages devised by the sponsoring Pepsi corporation. We accurately described the blue favor as, “Slurpee,” red as, “cough syrup” and yellow as, “distinct flavors of certain fake nuts Angela is allergic to.” The green traditional flavor still serves Mountain Dew best.

Needing a break from the looming significance of the monster truck plains, I waited half an hour in line for a large popcorn. Shout out to the one cashier working, you were the real MVP dealing with all of the coupons presented to you.

Back in the arena, a motocross exhibition commenced after a recording of Whitney Houston’s stirring rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner” played. I was extremely concerned about the lives of these riders. One particular rider, as he leaped off the ramp on his motorcycle, lost all contact with his motorcycle. Weighing the risks of this, I decided that personally, I would rather forgo applause than die a painful death.

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The monster trucks were big, fierce and scary to my fragile self. Tail Gator went super fast in its racing trial, taking less than 15 seconds to race around the course.

I wish I could share more on the magic of the monster trucks, yet an uncharged phone and the need to hail a Lyft precluded me from viewing the monster trucks for an extended period of time. If one is considering becoming a monster truck, I would recommend transforming into a cute monster bus first.