The sky may be dropping snow, but University of Wisconsin professors certainly dropped knowledge on one student this week.
Alex Kingford, a previously unenlightened junior, believes that this particular week of class has changed their life.
“I just didn’t know how I existed before everything I learned this week,” Kingford said.
Kingford detailed how many professors projected word documents on large screens and read the documents verbatim. Kingford discovered the fonts they used encapsulated their professors’ personalities in a way nothing else could.
Helvetica, Papyrus and Comic Sans all found a spot on a professor’s page. Kingford, convinced in the value in one of their great discoveries, immediately dropped any class where the professor typed in Times New Roman.
“That font is just so old-fashioned,” Kingford said. “You just know that professor is going to droll on and on about boring topics all morning. At least I know a professor who willingly chooses to type in Comic Sans have a little bit of humor to them. They might even put memes in their powerpoint!”
After two of Kingford’s professors mentioned Tinder in their initial lectures, Kingford has taken steps to examine their own loneliness in life. Previously a stranger to online dating platforms, Kingford has taken time out of their conveniently scheduled hour-long break between lectures to perfect a mirror selfie and craft poetic lines for their bio.
These discoveries alone seem likely to shift someone’s perspective on the world, yet Kingford still found more knowledge in his studies. Syllabus, they learned, is spelled with two “l”s and one “b.” Kingford argues these mechanical truths hold a broader commentary on the duality of man.
“Sometimes, you have to be bold,” Kingford said. “‘syllabus’ really only needs one ‘l’ to get its pronunciation across, yet it strengthens its presence with the double consonant. I wish I had half the boldness of that extra ‘l’. On the other hand, ‘b’ is a pretty strong letter. I thought there would be more of it. There really must be a complex interplay between being brash and bold and subtle. This is something I hope to master this semester and I am amazed by how much I’ve learned in only three short days.”
Kingford hopes other students find similar soul-searching journeys this semester.