One may think they lead a hard life. Tests, papers and the water which consistently spills from one’s Cup Noodles when trying to microwave the supposedly non-microwavable styrofoam cup plague the lives of many students daily.
Hard Lives, The Badger Herald’s newest column, seeks to put one’s troubles in perspective by showcasing the plights of various lives being lived, especially as lives get harder closer to finals.
This week, we turn to Tina, a University of Wisconsin sophomore battling an all too common addiction: The tasty appeal of dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.
Q: So how’s the end of your semester going Tina?
Q: Uh, care to elaborate?
A: I wrote two papers today while aiding my friend through a mental breakdown. Not to mention, I went through two boxes of Kleenex to calm my runny nose. I really hope I don’t come down with the flu during finals.
Q: Do you … do you need a moment to cry? I’m here for you.
A: No, no, that’s not necessary. I have my vice with me anyhow.
Q: What’s that?
A: See this bag here? This is my second pack of chicken nuggets on the day. I’m addicted to the nugs.
Q: What got you hooked on nugs?
A: I was raised in a nug-free household. My siblings made it clear to me the expectation was to have a diet full of fruits and vegetables. Up until I graduated high school, I had never even used a microwave. I came to college and everyone seemed to be using the dorm’s community kitchen to heat up something which smelled delicious, irresistible even. I asked my roommate what was heating up, and she described to me these peculiar bits of chicken shaped like tyrannosaurus rex. She offered me a nugget and I was hooked. After stealing from her pack for a solid week, I went to Fresh and got my own.
Q: What’s your typical nugget consumption?
A: Usually, I go through about a package every three days, but lately my habit has been spiraling out of control. I pulled an all-nighter the other day to write a rough draft of a research paper and I swear I went through an entire package in one night.
Q: Wow, how’d you get those all to cook evenly?
A: You just put them on a big tray in the oven and hope for the best, heating them up for a long time. It’s not as efficient as microwaving them, but I am in too deep for quick fixes now.
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Q: Have you tried kicking your dino nugget habit?
A: Yes, many times. I tried at first to return to the vegetarian diet of my youth, yet the cravings were so bad I honestly couldn’t make it until lunch without a nugget. Next up were the fake chicken nuggets, plant-based substitutes. Honestly, Tofurkey tasted better than those wannabe nugs. Even the cheaper chicken nuggets at Fresh couldn’t suffice. I need those stegosaurus-shaped bites of delight all day.
Q: Yikes, have your friends tried to intervene?
A: It’s tough to see them try to support me through this time when they’re the ones who got me hooked in the first place. It’s not fair they can enjoy the nuggets in moderation while I sit here slowly crying into a newly emptied bag every night. Of course, they tell me I can quit, but the next moment I see them munching on a nugget as well. It’s so discouraging.
Q: What would you like our five readers to know so they may avoid nugget addiction?
A: Don’t stay in a dorm community kitchen after 1 a.m., nothing good happens. Also, remember to keep your workload in check so you do not need a vice to turn to every day, all day. Keep those things in mind, and I swear I will remain the only nugget addict on this side of campus.