Scott Walker is on a quest to become King of Wiscland, a painfully obvious metaphor for Wisconsin. However, as he goes on his quest he will encounter many scary obstacles and moral conundrums, can you help guide him through?

Autumn Brown/The Badger Herald

You come across a moat filled with water from melting polar ice. How do you go around it?

  1. Jump Over
  2. Build a Bridge
  3. Walk right through it. It’s an illusion made up by evil liberal wizards to slow down industry

Autumn Brown/The Badger Herald

As you make your way through the castle, you stumble by a pair of Giants in the chapel attempting to get married. What do you do?

  1. Ignore it, who the hell cares?
  2. Silently disapprove, even though you know that traditional marriage is between Orcs and Giants, you understand that your kingdom welcomes all people even if you disagree with some of their harmless customs
  3. Remember that your opinions are the right ones, plan to take action to deny them the right to marriage when you’re king

Autumn Brown/The Badger Herald

You walk by the castle and you see a sick peasant trying to get in the castle hospital, claiming that giving birth will kill her. Do you:

  1. Recognize the right to life that all creatures have, even unborn ones, and try to discourage the goblin
  2. Understand that she is in a grave and desperate situation and help her get into the hospital
  3. Recognize it as another illusion by those liberal wizards, this situation is obviously, to your extensive knowledge, medically impossible, and void yourself of any responsibility.

Autumn Brown/The Badger Herald

In the courtyard, you see a merchant using curses to destroy his competition. You can:

  1. Make him stop using curses and give his competition a fair chance
  2. Teach the competition curses to use against him
  3. Let him carry on because the competition should’ve figured how to curse if they wanted to succeed

Autumn Brown/The Badger Herald

You arrive at the throne room and you see the crown guarded by a chained, friendly golden dragon named Education because the writer has a poor grasp on the concept of symbolism. He claims that he can make your kingdom a better place to live if you let him free, as long as everyone in the kingdom pays him tribute. Do you:

  1. Let him free and see the changes he promises come true
  2. Understand that your people are suffering economically and choose to keep him chained up
  3. Enslave him and sell him to the highest bidder

If you answered mostly ‘A’s’ or B’s’…

Game over! Nice try, evil liberal wizards

If you answered mostly ‘C’s’…

You win! You’re king of Wiscland!

To print out the game:

Autumn Brown/The Badger Herald