Recently, the University of Wisconsin has become one of the top party schools in the nation. We here at The Badger Herald hope that we can help reverse the decay of the moral fiber of society by providing fun, family-friendly ways to enjoy the night instead of drinking.

The pros and cons of being the country’s top party schoolThe Princeton Review named the University of Wisconsin the country’s top party school Monday. Two Heralders explored the good and Read…

1. Converting to Scientology

Sometimes drinking won’t help take the pain away, however, for several small payments of $300 your local chapter of Scientology can. For several small payments of $500, you can get the Anti-Thetan package and help destroy the evil alien spirits bringing you down if you are still not happy.

The three most valuable parts of the human experience, you, your health, and the ghost of the aliens that haunt earth after their extermination at the hands of the space warlord Xenu. No joke / Courtesy of Business Insider

2. Vandalism

Life is short, and you need to make your mark in the world. What better way to do that than to spray paint penises onto the walls of the local bar?

Got ‘eem / Courtesy of

3. Getting really high

Drinking is fun, you know what else is fun? Cocaine. What’s better than cocaine? More cocaine.

4. Cow-Tipping

Cows typically weigh a little bit more than a ton and can kick with enough force to knock a grown man flat on his back. Cows only experience two moods: hungry and enraged. If you don’t need to be drunk to do this you have the self-confidence of a Greek god.

5. Gambling

When I drink too much, I wake up in a Qdoba parking lot with no shoes, no shirt, no memory, one kidney and no money. If I gamble too much all I lose is the money.

6. Write for the Banter section of The Badger Herald

Everybody thinks they’re funny when they’re drunk, it takes a real sense of denial to think you’re funny when you are sober.