Ok Catholics, Anglicans, Eastern Orthodox and whoever else observes the holy month of Lent, it’s time to give something up. Lent has gotten boring the last couple of years, you’re going to want it to be original — none of this no soda crap. Here are some unique suggestions if you are still struggling to give something up for Lent.
1. 20-minute long poops
Sitting on the toilet too long? Then get off your phone and get living, cause it’s Lent and you need to shorten those dang poops.
Taxes are a burden on everyone, give up your government obligation and trade it for a religious one. This is what separation of church and state truly looks like.
3. $1 Wine Cooler Wednesday Wine Cooler Night at Tiki Shack
You’ve gone out too many Wednesday’s this weekend and those $1 wine coolers are an amazing deal, admittedly. But Lent is a month for repentance and those $1 wine coolers need to go.
Class is only holding you back and causing you to sin further, give up that dumb thing your parents are paying for and devote your life to religion. This is what living is all about!
Everyone is giving up eating something like junk food or something, so cut out the middle man and just give up eating! This’ll be the most successful Lent yet and you’ll lose weight in a jiffy!
6. Throwing water balloons off your balcony onto pedestrians
It may not be clearly stated in the Bible or 10 commandments, but throwing water balloons at people 16 floors below you may not be the most ethical activity, regardless of how fun it may be.
7. Consuming an entire sea bass in one bite and pulling the full skeleton out of your mouth
It’s disgusting, don’t do it.
8. Burning ants with a magnifying glass
It may be super fun, but you know what you are doing is wrong. Burning ants with a magnifying glass is fun once, NOT consistently. This should go on after Lent, because you’re 20 and this has gone on long enough.