It’s Mardi Gras friends … but this is Madison and it’s just lame. Here are some great suggestions on how to bring the funkiest party in the south up north to Madtown.

1. Dump 10,000 pounds of crawfish in the drained fountain on Library Mall

Get in the New Orleans spirit with one of their signature foods — crawfish. Always coming in boat loads, drop your own load into the old fountain and force UW to get the fountain going again.

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2. Attempt a boobs-for-beads trade with your hot TA

Now’s your chance to get that hot TA with the huge rack to show her boobies in class. Celebrate Mardi Gras in the most trademark way by doing a classic boobs for beads exchange.

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3. Bang crash cymbals up and down State Street all day

Mardi Gras is famous for its parades, so bring the march to Madison and smash your crash cymbals as you walk down State Street. Have some fun with it!

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4. Don’t bathe all week

It’s Mardi Gras, screw your shower!

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5. Put a po’ boy in a tuba and blow it across Lake Mendota

Mardi Gras is also famous for its pranks, so have a goof with some classic New Orleans aspects.

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6. Toot your jazz horn

New Orleans loves its jazz, and so does Madison. Bus that scat up north with some rootin’ tootin’ jazz on your honky horn.

7. Spill a huge pot of jambalaya on the Capitol floor

Another New Orleans treat, the southern staple mix of okra, sausage, rice and whatever else you desire will be great to feed the members up at the Capitol. They’ll be crawling in for Jamabalaya in no time!

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8. Drink a big ass cocktail

It’s Mardi Gras, gotta drink!

9. Hire a stripper for your favorite professor

Convey your love for your favorite professor and hire them a classic Mardi Gras stripper. This way you can entertain your professor and the class at the same time, how fun!

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10. Cover all stop signs with Bourbon Street signs

After my mom and I saw some couple fucking in the middle of Bourbon Street when I was 16, that spot has always been the coolest memory I’ve ever had. To relive that memory, somebody please help me out.

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11. Bake a Kings Cake with a baby Scott Walker inside

Finish “Mardison Gras” the way the lord intended — with a cake! Celebrate the start of Lent with a cake filled with Madison’s father figure, Gov. Scott Walker. Mmm, I can taste it already!

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