The 2016 fall semester is finally upon us so it is time to set new intentions and achieve the best we can. Just about everyone struggles with things like working hard, eating right and exercising while being a full time student so these 7 life hacks will be the help you need to achieve your semester goals.

Walk up and down Bascom as many times as possible in one day

This is a much better alternative than going to the gym. There are incredible views when walking both up and down it, so why not work out where it’s pretty? In fact, don’t even bother going to class, just keep going up and down Bascom Hill and you’ll easy be the strongest person on campus.

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Seize the Red Gym

Students have now seized all buildings on campus, except for the one that actually looks like a castle. If you set your intentions now, you could have siege engines and catapults by the end of the semester and the Red Gym will be ripe for the taking. This includes a lot of intricate planning and is a perfect goal to set now.

Purchase every meal you eat from Wendy’s

Wendy’s is so cheap every college student can afford it. Eating all of that fast food will be a great experiment and it is so tasty why wouldn’t you eat Wendy’s for three meals a day?

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Shave the year you graduate onto the side of your head

This will be a great reminder to yourself and to all of your peers that you are here to study and graduate on time. If you want to be taken seriously as a student, this is a goal is a must-do.

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Beat Jonny in the karate tournament at the end of the semester

This has gone too far. Jonny has now destroyed your bike and hurt you physically and you’re jealous of his and Ali’s relationship. The only way to achieve this is to set your intentions early, use those few classes at the YMCA and begin training to beat Jonny at his own game. Maybe you’ll meet an old Japanese man who knows Karate. Who knows?

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Half-Nelson a professor

Passing a class isn’t as easy as it once was. Professors require tests of strength to pass their class so by setting the intention to do this, you will assure yourself an A for the class.

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Conceive a baby

If you’re pregnant, everybody will like you more. By conceiving a baby — man or woman — this will get you good grades not just for the semester, but the entire year. This is thinking ahead.

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