Being single carries less of a negative connotation than it used to, but when I tell people I’m recently single, they still say “sorry” and give me a look of pity. 

According to a report from Wells Fargo Economics, a record-breaking 52% of women over 18 years old are single as of 2021. I’m not sure what those numbers are for University of Wisconsin students specifically, but I’ve heard complaints about being single from friends and conversations of strangers.

I don’t blame people for complaining. I mean, have you seen the roundup of awful Tinder interactions posted by @wiscochicks on Instagram each Tuesday (“Tinder Tuesday”)? You couldn’t pay me to interact with those men. 

And to the people who think lesbian and queer relationships are easier, girl bye. It’s rough out here.

Yes, being single can suck. If you asked me two years ago, I would have said I really wanted a partner and was sick of being single. Now, after choosing to leave my first healthy relationship, I can tell you with certainty there’s nothing sad about being single when you prioritize your relationship with yourself. Being in a relationship can be beautiful as well, but if you aren’t content in your life without one, it’s not gonna change anything. 

Here’s another S Word for you: standards. I think one of the reasons why women are less likely to be taken these days is because we have higher standards. Many of us have realized unless our partners are adding to our lives, they’re not worth our energy. Sometimes it feels like partners that reach the bare minimum of our needs are rare, especially if you are dating men. I’ve heard many friends make their case against hookup culture, saying that if you find a man who actually wants to date, you should keep him on a leash so he doesn’t run away. 

But many of us are waking up to the fact that the bare minimum is no longer enough to support our busy lives and bright futures. If we held our partners to higher standards, maybe the dark sides of hookup culture wouldn’t be as normalized. The idea that there aren’t a plethora of fish in the sea is not one I choose to subscribe to.  

With this being said, I know it can feel sad to feel alone. Especially with Valentine’s Day around the corner, it feels like you’re wearing a sign that screams, “I’M SINGLE.” I suggest planning some “Galentines” events with friends to celebrate your friendships. Remember when the best part of Valentine’s Day was making “Valentines” for all your friends in elementary school, and maybe just making a special one for your crush? 

My saddest Valentine’s day memories are times I’ve been let down by lovers, situationships (whatever that means) and partners. I remember one year I was talking to a guy who I really liked but he didn’t want to date. On Valentine’s Day, a mysterious bouquet of flowers turned up at our apartment of four girls. I had this sick sense of hope that maybe, just maybe he sent me the flowers. I was crushed when I discovered they were for my roommate from her man. 

The best memories I have from Valentine’s Day are sometimes from happy relationships, but mostly from laughing with friends. The real flex as a college student is having platonic friendships. Even if your friendships aren’t perfect, it’s amazing to have a support system of people you know have your back. 

I remember that same year of the flower fiasco, on Valentine’s Day, one of my friends and I went to Subway and got meatball sub sandwiches while the couples in our lives were discussing their dates and Valentine’s plans. It became a ritual: sad about someone? Let’s get meatball subs. Craving something random for no reason? Let’s get those meatball subs. Seriously, sometimes you just need your meatballs (It’s a Jersey Shore reference…)

I’m in the process of healing from a recent breakup, so I understand the feeling of impending doom that can come with romantic holidays like Valentine’s. My therapist gave me a tip about being single on Feb. 14 that I think everyone should hear: buy yourself chocolate and flowers. 

I want you to think about this next time you’re sad about being single. Charlotte from Sex and the City said, “Maybe we could be each other’s soulmates, and then we could let men just be these great nice guys to have fun with, “ (Season 4, episode 1). Yes it’s heteronormative, but the same idea can apply to any romantic partner you have. 

If that still doesn’t cure you single blues, just know at least we’re going through it together. Relationships are hard, and messy, but they are also beautiful ways to learn about ourselves. At the end of the day, I’m still a hopeless romantic who thinks everyone should experience love. So if you do have the chance to do something special with your partner this V-Day, do it and have an amazing time! If not, enjoy this Valentine’s day with your friends.