In a misguided effort to stay relevant, Chris Brown released new LP, Heartbreak on a Full Moon, with 45 tracks in total.
It would take nearly two hours and 40 minute to finish the one album alone.
Like me, you might wonder why exactly Brown thinks he is so important to warrant a little under three hours of your time with the same tired, hip-hop sound that he’s been performing for over a decade.
It has become a phenomenon in the music industry in recent years to “overstuff” albums with tracks in an attempt to game the system. Due to the way online streaming has changed the way Billboard counts album listens, having more songs in an album increases the probability of having the album go gold or platinum.
With all the attention focused on sexual predators and abusers, such as recent allegations against Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey, it seems especially ballsy for Brown to try such an incredibly self-serving tactic.
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Individuals in popular culture, from Hollywood to Top 40 charts, continue to have successful careers following instances of inter-partner violence and sexual misconduct.
It’s vital to not only acknowledge these instances but to also stop supporting abusive or predatory celebrities. No matter how much you enjoy a particular artist’s style, voice or anything else, by supporting their career, you are enabling their behavior.
You cannot “separate the art from the artist” when you take into account the violence he or she committed.
So, here’s a list of better ways to spend two hours and 40 minutes than supporting another abuser.
Do your laundry
I know this is something you’re all behind on. In the two hours and 40 minutes it would take to listen to that insufferable album, you can completely wash and dry about two loads of laundry.
Listen to Rihanna’s ANTI (Deluxe) twice
A brilliant and empowering piece of pop magic, ANTI — released in 2016 — definitely deserves another listen (if you haven’t listened to it 25+ times already). With fast-paced rhythms perfect for dancing, ANTI is by far a superior listening option.
While you’re at it, support Brown’s ex-girlfriend further by steering clear of all of his music — old and new — and instead visit her website and buy products from Fenty Beauty.
Make potato, apple and leek soup three times (and have time left to eat it, too)
Following the 45 minute recipe shared by our Cooking Sucks columnist, Chef Sogs, an individual would be able to complete the recipe three times in the time it would take him or her to listen to Heartbreak on a Full Moon all the way through — and still have enough time to sit down and enjoy it, too.
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Actually go to class for once
Instead of listening to the money craven words of an abuser, you could try making it to your 8 a.m. for once.
Literally just stare at a wall
Or if you skip your 8 a.m., your time will still be better spent staring at the wall until it starts breathing rather than listening to Brown’s magic money making music machine.
In the time it would take you to listen to the entire album, the average person — who blinks about 15-20 times a minute — would blink roughly 3,200 times.
Suffer through two episodes of “Fuller House”
Anyone who has seen even a scene of Netflix’s latest reboot series “Fuller House” knows the show is downright corny.
With jokes that never seem to land and lines that are cheesy at best, watching a whopping two episode would still be more enjoyable than listening to the 28-year-old R&B flop.
Receive a double root canal
In a painful procedure that would take roughly around 180 minutes, having a double root canal surgery would still be preferable to listening to this album — and would probably be better for your health in the long run, too.
