The Academy Awards can be incredibly dull, and the abundance of commercials and cookie-cutter acceptance speeches doesn’t help. But The Badger Herald has a solution: alcohol! Here is a drinking game to get you through the slower moments.
Disclaimer: A drink can entail a sip or a pull, depending on how frequent the event becomes, or how determined you are to get shitfaced. Feel free to substitute water for alcohol.
General rules
If Bill Murray does a Bill Murray thing, take a drink.
If a Quentin Tarantino curse escapes filtering, shotgun a beer.
If you hear a Meryl Streep joke, take a drink.
If a musical performance is cringe-worthy and awkward, take a drink.
If you don’t know what a category entails or means, take a drink.
If you haven’t seen any of the movies, just drink and yell when anyone else does.
Red Carpet rules
If an actress responds to a sexist and/or gendered question on the red carpet (i.e. “Give us a twirl!” or “How long did it take you to get ready?!”) with a snarky comment, take a drink and snap a bunch of times.
If a reporter ironically asks an actor a sexist and/or gendered question, take a drink and snap a bunch of times.
If anyone is wearing something in homage to David Bowie, take a drink and cry a little.
If any of the “fashion experts” disagree about the quality of an outfit, take a drink.
EXTREME PLAYERS ONLY:
Whenever the Revenant Wins an award, take a drink
If anyone is wearing long gloves or sunglasses, take a drink.
Host/presenter rules
If Chris Rock surprise boycotts the event, chug all the alcohol.
If Joe Biden is creepy, take a drink.
If Kevin Hart talks in a high pitch, take a drink.
If Jennifer Garner throws shade at Ben Affleck, take a shot.
If you wish Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were hosting, take a drink.
If a pair of presenters appears incredibly nervous or mismatched, take a drink.
Winner rules
If Jennifer Lawrence wins best actress for “Joy,” furiously chug your drink and complain for the rest of the show.
If you’ve seen three of the films nominated for Best Foreign Picture, take a sip out of your martini and sneer at the rest of the room.
If “Inside Out” Wins Best Animated Picture,” have an internal conflict about whether to continue drinking, and decide to continue by taking a drink.
If “Earned It” wins best original song, take a shot and then feel internally conflicted about such a good song coming from such a reprehensible movie.
If anyone British wins an award, shout, “down in one!” and take a drink.
If “Ex Machina” wins an award, everyone in the room does the robot and takes a drink.
If Leonardo DiCaprio (finally) wins an award, chug two drinks.
Acceptance speech rules
If a first-time winner adorably stutters through their speech, let one tear run down your cheek and take a drink.
If an acceptance speech runs through the music, take a drink.
If a winner thanks God (or some other deity), take a drink.
